The 3 musketeers 

the three muskateers.

There are a sources of chaos in my life daily,  there is a bonus round too, my animals.  Two dogs 4 Cats. All very different from each other and all a little off like that crazy cartoon cousin on Tom & Jerry.  It’s actually just bizarre how abnormal all of them are, I’m not kidding, I don’t quite believe it myself.

  One dog is a gigantic mutant dog, people call him a horse/dog more in the lines of Cliffird than Snoopy, a chow/husky who is the best dog ever but weighs more than I do and shouldn’t be over 100 pounds, and he is a nightmare too!  His sister dog2 is likethe dog who slides around corners on cartoons  with the crazy eyes, a great dog too but odd as hell.  She heard my kids play a kazoo once and lost her mind now anything you put by your mouth acting like its a kazoo, a lighter let’s say, she goes bananas,  crazy eyes just got crazier!  A kazoo? Even worse a lighter? And she carries her leash the whole time I walk her, just odd.   

One cat, my Maine coon one, is quite big & very smart. He stands on his hind legs and can reach onto the counter.  He opens the cubbards that are locked weirdly but locked nonetheless.  He does this  so that gigantor  horse/dog can take food out & feed himself, cat 1 &  dog 2,…the three musketeers! . they truly are, always working together to raid my cubbards, lunch boxes anything that involves food & I mean anything.

My kid left the Christmas fudge out,gone   about in 2 minutes

My kid left the bread out, gone.  The other loaf the cat ate inside the cabinet, 1/2 a loaf gone,  where  I then found him napping

Bought a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, gone.  It was in a pie box & in a bag.  The box wasn’t destroyed he was careful my glutton dog was

Bought some crazy blue cake mix, it was right before the pie, in a bag with muffin mixes, came home & it looked like he had murdered a smurf or three in my kitchen & he pooped blue for three days.

It’s pathetic to say but this has happened twice with the blue cake mix, it was inadvertently taken out of the cubbard we think, or the cat helped him open it.  Blue murdered smurfs again but that time the dog who was white, was white, had blue paws & a blue face kind of like the time he ate the box of Boston Creme chocolate covered doughnuts, his face was chocolate striped

You may  think I’m a fool and don’t keep  food out of his reach,  did I mention my cat opens doors too?   How in the world did I create The 3 Musketeers?  They travel in the house like ninjas, we don’t usually hear them at all doing any of this

We are careful, very careful now. Dogs are back in their crates after 5 years of not using them, they are back up due to this obsessive compulsion with food.  When no food left out but a pan with oil in it (to cool off after using it) he stood up to my stove and ate or drank it… used oil?  Horse/dog is not choosey, it’s insane .  He has the talent of Houdini too, he even busted out of his crate/jail  and that lead to  the 2nd massacre of Smurfs in my kitchen and don’t forget a Tye-dyed blue dog

From full bowls of cole slaw while I went into the hall  to gather the kids for dinner last summer to the fudge at Christmas, to cut lemons, not oranges only lemons, if he can figure a way , he eats..  If you eat popcorn, he won’t move, he sits back & waits.  Same for cereal, he’s not up under your feet but he lurks waiting for one thing, he knows the cat is coming to lurk for the milk as well & somedays no one will share, they act like children arguing.  Me!  No! ME   NO!! I SAID MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

People think I’m crazy, I cannot make this shit up, no dog is suppose to eat unopened cake mix or whole bags of unopened potato chips, taco shells?  Uncooked spaghetti?    Oh yumm-O!  I forgot the cat loves corn on the cob & horse/dog also loves to chase & eat bees, but that’s outside chaos and that’s a different ballgame!

Isn’t this fun?  Haven’t even mentioned the other cats…trust me they have issues too, just not with food.  Another day perhaps!


12 thoughts on “The 3 musketeers 

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