We were talking the other day, Troy and I, on how forgetful I am and after watching Still Alice, I kinda got nervous. I guess I could get ALS, I don’t know if I would want that test really. If I do or I don’t, is immaterial as far as this blog goes because I simply have too many things juggling in the air on any given day to remember anything at all let alone the important stuff. Being scatterbrained and overwhelmed doesn’t help my organizational skills here.
For example, trying to get myself together after a restless night sleep worrying about my parents, and about some person named Joe, yesterday who went batty on facebook saying he could open fire on his X Carrie & envisioning his daughter Diann escaping they a window to be rid of these crazies she has as parents. Joe vs Carrie, that was disturbing and in my dream! Nine times out of ten, I am behind when I wake up most days from lack of sleep. So I am trying to hurry, changing my clothes & packing a bag to maybe stay with my parents for a few days since my dad came home, looking for socks, I can’t find any! The whole 3 pairs of socks I own are missing conpletly and one is missing the left one so I have to borrow my daughters and she will gripe at me after school when she sees my wearing her socks that I bought, then before I’ve found her socks to put on my feet, Dog#1 now thinks the continual barking will get him fed anytime he wants while my cat gets into not the Lays potato chip bag this time, but the black bean tortilla chips, why? Who in the hell knows why! His food bowl is full but won’t leave the bag alone until I fill his bowl (that I just kind of shake a little to prove to the cat it’s full) damn cat! But wait, the 3 other cats now hear that food shaking like I did it holding a megaphone so now I’ve gotta feed the other three, one of which we found and I cannot bear to just dump at a shelter because she’s too sweet, as Dog#2 is barking like a seal and is now sounding very hoarse because Dog#1 is still barking all shrill and dog #2 MUST be a part of the action of course. They have to pee, or do they need food? Hell if I know. I’d say both, maybe. And then I leave the laundry room with NO socks probably for the millionth time.
All of that happens very quickly and some days it’s quite irritating because it doesn’t stop there, it’s like a bad version of Groundhog Day, except the same thing doesn’t happen over and over again. My fabulous luck hands me the most off the wall situations like I’ve not seen before. I can’t make my life up! When people are around me more than a day, they see it and shake their heads saying “she does have a knack for strange, she’s not insane but this shit is funny.” Gee, thanks guys! I warned you.! It is continuous and bizarre and downright funny and infuriating as hell some days. From dogs eating blue cake mix making it appear as though a smurf was murdeted in my kitchen, to eating a whole box of twinkies and a whole box of Ho-Ho’s even with the wrappers, to me taking my kids roller skating when they don’t know how to roller skate and use not my body or my hands to try and not fall but use my jeans. Flailing their arms and with a death grip forbidding on for dear life onto my jeans and then the button pops off and yes there goes my pants! And they were too big to begin with..bu-bye Los pantelones! I don’t know if it’s a blessing or curse I don’t wear grannyike undies. Who am I kidding, any kind is equalling embarrassing, I guess I’m glad I’m so used to being me because I am rarely embarrassed now.
It’s not just the bizarre stuff I also have a knack for getting hurt, but in really weird ways. At my parents pool (when I took my dogs over there because I had some work being done at my house) I dive in the pool and swim back to the deck to stand up and catch my Rottweiler as she jumped in ON TOP of me slicing my eye open with her claw, no one was home. I was shaking uncontrollably driving to my house where my dad was, bleeding profusely while wrapped in a yellow towel as he took me to the hospital in my bikini. Or taking my dog out on an early Saturday morning to find the dew made the stairs outside slippery, realizing this as I slid into the railing knocking 2 pickets of the fence to fall from the second story but the other pickets in the fence not giving way and saving my life I think, I did have pieces of wood gouged into my leg in a few places, off to the ER we go… It’s rarely minor, my preference is to go big always…not
I can’t exactly blame my dog for everything now can I? Every dog I’ve ever owned? They have done plenty but not all. My kids aid in how much I am juggling on any given moment of any given day. I don’t know how people with more than 2 kids survive!! And if you only have one child, oh just hush it! I am a butcher, baker, seamstress who can’t sew, a carpenter, a doctor, a vet, a psychologist like “Dear Abby..” As my kids as my kids ask “Aby who?”, a teacher, mechanic, a judge, a jury, a chef, engineer of all household items which includes being a plumber, an exterminator, and don’t forget the candlestick maker, God forbid I must understand how to do that too!
What I am, is a Mom, just like my Mom, the one piece of the puzzle that is required, that holds the whole shebang together even if we think we are a mom who oozes disaster, we aren’t. Most of us are doing just fine. Maybe listen to “Billy’s mom” or the talkative mom at play dates, we are all overwhelmed even if they don’t ever say it. Admittedly, my life. is a little screwy some days because a lot is going on but who isn’t just a tad hectic a times? No one
Take me on vacation, I could probably pack the kids stuff, Troy’s stuff and half my house into 3 suitcases somehow and not forget anything. Modify that: I wouldn’t forget to pack all of their stuff but I always forget to pack my things, 2 things in particular I always need to buy on any vacation anywhere I go since having kids: socks and undies. I don’t forget my bikini, my bras, shorts, extra toothbrushes, my pajamas because I don’t own any because I’d much prefer one of Troy’s t-shirts that he’s had on a little while so it smells like him anyhow (I’ve done that since I first started seriously dating him, the shirt doesn’t matter which it is, I could care less as long as it has had him in it, that’s how I sleep best!). as for the unmentionables, aka undies, every vacation I’ve taken since I had children, that’s the one item I forget. No matter how many times I try and remind myself, I forget. I have had to find some sort of store in every city that sells halfway decent undies! Just a little embarrassing when I say I MUST go to the store and regret having to tell you why because I hear a “but I reminded you..” So I have to shop as soon as I arrive everytime I go to, let’s say Troy’s parents house, or a condo in a ski resort, stop at Walmart or Target please…yes I forgot them again, the curse lives. Maybe Troy should pack my stuff?
So, my life is batty as hell but I wouldn’t change a damn thing when it gets right down to it, I wouldn’t know what to do! It is the most difficult but easiest job I know. It can be instantly gratifying or instantly heartbreaking, and I will at least try and be up to the task daily, probably with no socks on but that’s okay I suppose, just find me a cheap store wherever you take me Troy, there will be missing socks and forgotten underwear to replenish even if i replenished last month!! Apologies again…
Somedays that photo is completely accurate, maybe the day it was taken it was true, look at Thing 2 in the background! And no, I don’t know exactly why Troy’s eyes are covered with the hat, he’s as odd & weird as I am, a perfect “pair”. ((Giggling))
Can you guess what I forgot when I stayed with my parents? It wasn’t my tooth brush or a pair of socks…!