I actually see it for what it is and don’t let any one thing define me. It seems belittling to cut yourself short of your own identity. I could not identify with saying I’m only “Thing 1 and 2’s mother, Troy’s wife, or Jack’s kid, or someone’s “big or littler sister.” Good heavens no, I am so much more, and quite possibly somedays, I am less, I suppose, we all have moments of greatness and for weakness, that’s fair to say. I’d much rather say, I’m not just thing 1 &2’s mum, not just Troy’s wife, not just Jack’s kid, or just someone’s sister ….perhaps I am just not someone you know….
I always was an unusual girl…
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean… I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
Lana Del Rey
I am not just s girl, I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, mother,a divorcee, a world class chef in my home, even a maid somedays, others a plumber if need be..
A 40 something chick, who many say is just a hippie, who believes she’s 29 and refuses to grow up completely Some things are crystal clear to me: laughter keeps me young,, love fills my heart and my children make me smile and grin from ear to ear daily, just moments after I want to pull my hair out because they maka me coo-coo!!! I wear a ring, actually two with great significance to us, but I am not married (although they all keep asking, we just haven’t got that far in a plan)
Both my family and friends can’t quite decide if I am Thelma, Louise, Lucy or Ethel because I have this overwhelming knack for the absolute oddest things that anyone has ever seen happening around me, ask around: I’m not kidding. I love fiercely so don’t cross my path or my family with ill intention, the one thing I am NOT is a good enemy to have, the old “forgive & forget” just doesn’t fly with me but I am as loyal as they comes as a friend and as a lover. I will arm up quickly and protect those I love faster and harder than 10 momma bears put together, my momma taught me well. I refuse to sugar coat anything, I will call a spade a spade, my daddy taught me that.
At one point, I let others choose for me and they chose poorly, I know better now
I chose my own path, it is clearly defined to me and my chosen few. A common path that we share openly and willingly. A path mapped out by not only myself but those who are most important to me as well, my chosen others of like minds and souls. A path that is positive, not hurtful or demeaning to others. Not self righteous and holier than thou either, but full of happy and actually very, very good people whom I love and adore with all my heart, even on bad days (both theirs or mine)
Fabulous friends considered part of my family who are positive natured and not self absorbed. Those who have chosen differently,well, veered into a different direction, they have left my path willingly by choosing their own path which is completely infathomable to me. They chose paths of negative behavior topped with negative attitudes and then still more negative behavior that is spiteful and mean. I find no use in that so I have chosen different. I am sure of it, due to the fact, others actually point it out to me.
I have been judged on so very much, not just on my faith to which no soul shall judge again. This life, I call mine, is not anyone’s to judge either, not one damn part of it . I can play my own wait and see game until my own judgement day. Say what you will, prepare for your own day of judgment, stop shouting my way, I choose not to listen, I refuse to hear you. I do not knock on others doors to bother, so I shall not open my door for anyone unless I want to. Plain and simple.
This is not arrogance, this is not selfishness, what it is and how it came to be is Confidence in who I am as an individual. Having parents who only aided in helping us to figure out who we were and who we would become. My parents did this for all three of their children just as I do for my own. My parents were very, very loving parents, to each other and to us kids and now to my children. So much so that I never once doubted that they would not be there for me, they would no matter what, just as I apways will be for my own children They say “children learn by example,” I tell you, the example they set was undeniable, love us truly a source of strength, to which It aided in our own self-confidence
Sure, there have been awful times as you may read here. The awful moments are not to define you, not at all. Don’t short sell your well being here. Figure out how you exactly feel about it, NOT what someone tells you to see, look at the truth about it, forgive & forget if you chose, live & learn, whatever, but make a decision and stick to it and really just stop complaining. It’s kind of like “all in or all out” at some point. You either want it or you don’t. Life choices are hard, they were never meant to be easy. I’ve had some doozies myself, however, “the approach I have had may not work for some” they will say, Well, I say that’s just a crock of shit, an excuse for someone else to keep you or for you to keep yourself just plain stuck in whatever situation you’ve found yourself in full of misery. Some do it to make other people feel miserable also, “if I can’t be happy, you won’t get to either” Sound familiar? I know plenty who try daily to bring others down, talk nasty to just create negativity all around them.
If you never move, you’ll never even know or see the solution that is right in front of you and that it’s been right there waiting to catch your attention. The more stubborn folks are about making everyone miserable around them, being vindictive and spiteful, that goes back to you because those around you will start treating you in such a negative way, now you are more miserable than when you first began. Now two are stuck, how many more are dragged in to create a bigger mess? The more the merrier is only going to make it more difficult to try and escape.
Time suddenly flies when your have blinders on someone keeps reminding you how miserable you are, It’s hard to shake the pessimistic feeling because you feed on the negative energy and one day you turn around and see the solution bright as day, but then it could simply be too late. This epiphany dulls quickly, and it will fade away and there you are again miserable but this time you are alone. It would be nice but we cannot turn back the hands of time. And it is completely useless for you to try and avoid tomorrow by looking behind you constantly. Tomorrow is coming whether you like it or not so why not try once embrace it? Regret can eat you up inside. Either stay or go, shit or get off the pot, do what you said you’d do, what you wanted to do, do what you said you were going to do in the first place and do it fast, or quite simply: Sush, hush yourself, just drop it, step up or just completely forget it. If you continue thinking it’s not to late to change, and keep shouting at the top of your lungs that you are gonna change and never actually change, well, shit, get used to the pain, that terrible pain inside. The world shall not revolve around any single individual, it doesn’t work that way. No one is required to wait for your epiphany. Teach our children that so they don’t think that the whole world let them down when mostly it’s themselves that let them down
Thing 2 drew this when she was about 9. She realized that we have to take the good with the bad in our lives. Shit happens, good shit, bad shit…it all comes with the ticket we get in our life, buy one get one free sorta thing. Figure out what will bring you peace, real peace for you, no one else. Life is what you make of it, what you make of.
There is no place, like no place on earth a land full of wonder, mystery and dangers! some say to survive it, you need to be mad as a Hatter, which likely I am
Alice in Wonderland