on a wing and a prayer..

 They day, “when it rains it pours..” Well, I just say boohockey to that!  That weather man can  kiss my toucas!!

We got word that Troy’s granny had passed away on  Sunday afternoon, her poor little body just couldn’t fight anymore.  He had been so incredibly worried about his own momma because she was constantly running to try and take care of so much by herself.  He did feel a little relieved but only because he absolutely loves his momma!

He had told me several times whenever this happened he would probably not travel home for a funeral.  I have interjected that I think his choice is a bad one. No matter what, that is his granny and his momma needs him there too, this isn’t just for him but for her as well. And every country boy love their momma!

 There are extremely hard feelings there that stemmed from their past and also a divorce and him moving away with me and my children.  The backlash of all of this has calmed but a visit back brings this front and center, right in your face. It may stir that up to a raging boil and explode.  So, to keep it even keel and  maybe a little more stress free, I’d stay here with the kids while he went home.  One must know Troy to understand how that was just not going to fly. He would say it was unacceptable, even if there is stress he wanted me by his side. I get it, we are a very strong source of strength together and it only strengthens us individually.   I know this to be true, I’ve felt it and so has he.  We do protect each other from outside sources that just really want him and I to live a miserable life together.  I don’t think many  planned on this working out between he and I.  The fact of the matter is, it worked quite nicely

There have been so many things said, feelings hurt from so much negativity, it’s a pain in the ass to deal with.  It’s very hard to even trust in the faith that we will not  be demonized publicly once again.  Erasing that  completely from all our heads has proven more difficult than one would think.  That’s beyond tiring and not the way we live our lives here, no not at all.   Even my xhole has calmed the fuck down.  All have gone their separate ways and say they  are happy as larks now, why not just stop?   After over five years come to terms with some shit and then actually BE happy.  

There is no room for pessimism, the glass is half full here, not empty.  We just do not live in that bubble and won’t ever. And to truly be honest, I have an extremely bad temper which I have learned to control (kinda)  since I was younger but at certain point, control is pretty much out the window, however, it needs to be made clear that it only gets that bad when my family here is under attack, which has happened more than once, so maybe don’t do that. There was a point in my life I would  just have coldcocked someone with a great right cross versus listen to the bullshit.  I was not ever scared of anything  in my life, maybe my parents getting mad at me, or actually just my Dad getting angry with me (he is where  my temper comes from). I am still not afraid, not at all…well maybe still of my parents but nothing else

So here we begin to plan a road trip back to his hometown, by plane, train or automobile, it was time for him to make that 600 mile run, it’s family and he must do the right thing.

Until he woke up sick yesterday, poor guy appeared to have a terrible stomach flu.           He just simply felt awful.  Mommy mode kicks in, it did not take but a few minutes for me to get out the door to get electrolytes via lifewater for him.  He gained control back in the afternoon but didn’t look right to me.

While he was sleeping, I started making arrangements so we could get to his hometown by Thursday sometime.  His momma and I talked about it, as long as he was feeling better he would leave Thursday, all my ducks were in a row, I  knew it was best for me not to go, I just hadn’t told anyone else that yet.  It  is much better off this way for us, neither of us have anymore tolerance for this crap.  Especially him, he would have his eyes peeled on the kids and I, and it wouldn’t take much for him to go ballistic, especially if the kids are there.

Then he got worse, he knew it and I knew it.  He chooses often to kinda neglect the fact he is an insulin dependent diabetic.  When things go wrong,  they go very wrong.

They finally got him into his room at the hospital about 5:30. Blood, urune, cultures and MRI were already done just waiting on results.

His surgery is Friday, and his surgeon has a very optimistic view on what is being done will solve the problem here but unfortunately he will not be able to go home for his Granny’s funeral, it can’t be helped and he feels absolutely terrible about this.

In all the time I was waiting with him today, one thought kept popping into my head:  because I do believe everything happens for a reason, what is the reasoning here?   Really?

These things aren’t always so clear or cut and dry but one day a reason will reveal itself.

Family is one of the biggest aspects of my life, and our life together, taking all good and the bad, all of the experiences with family are the things we are made of.  As I have said before, my own family is extremely close, even when we argue.  My Daddy always said family is the ones you count on, the ones who hold you up when you cannot do it on your own, they take care of you when you need them to,  they are always who you go to  first, not last, for support in just about anything and everything we do. So, him not being unable to stand with his Momma and Dad right now, well, I feel guilt,  even if this cannot, in any way, be helped because he will be in the hospital the rest of this week and most of next  week. We will just have to take him home for a visit as soon as he is well.

When I saw this, I truly do believe it , not just for my family but for him as well, a better question would be:will it happen?    Well, not this week or next, the longer it is pushed to the back burner, the chances of it happening at all just diminish, perhaps they already have diminished completely because of the negativity behind it, that’s pretty sad  I would love to say

It probably would do him good to come home and be with family.  Family is very important as you know and  I am sure he misses everyone. Just as we all miss  him.   Sometimes a. good dose of family goes a long way health wise and it’s good for the soul.  I know you understand.  I will be praying for you guys.

May your granny rest in peace,   To the man who wears his heart on his sleeve.  I shall always be here for you, to help, to understand, a shoulder to lean on, whatever it is, darlin, I am always here, no matter what happens, seems you are stuck with me for the duration 

A favorite song:

The book of love  ❤️


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