I’ve become a walking zombie, not the zombie that will chase you and want to eat you but rather the one who hasn’t quite figured out that I am a zombie so I am wandering aimlessly because I have no clue what I am suppose to do. That seems pretty screwy but I’m okay with it, which is a tad scary maybe. Hell, I’m okay with that too. Troy is seeing it and addressing it as he grabbs my hand and just leads me, everywhere the past six days. In Walmart late last night we needed a tail light for the car, he led me to the department but when he let go to look for the bulb, I stopped concentrating on his hand and kinda just forgot why we were even there. I was a big help
My daddy is in the last stages of his life and unless I’m with my mom, my mind goes somewhere else. I’ve promised my loving daddy numerous times since Christmas that I will do exactly as he has told me to do and one of these things is to make sure she is okay. So I am very much on the ball when I am in front of her but when I’m not I’m lost, Troy has promised a few things also to him and his agenda includes keeping me and my kids and my mom, his job is harder. Now I know I am two handfuls on any given day, this is proving more difficult than even I expected so I guess I’m about 59 handfuls at the moment.
Tonightc my son asked to see him, after doctors update and a debate or two that aren’t really worth mentioning, I took him. Another person, thought my kid would just be happy as a lark to be accompanied by her, but when it got down to it, only mommy would do. Afterward, both of us, just so sad and so tearful, I grabbed my child’s hand, as I did when he was two, I saw the look in his eyes, he wanted to just bolt away from that room. He towers over me but I was able to slow his pace to one my shrimpy legs could keep up with. Put my arms around him at the elevators and promised we’d be okay, I’d make sure he and his sister were okay and Troy would make sure we were okay. As we both gathered ourselves he says to me, “we need to make sure Nana’s okay too.” Right after I make sure you are okay I thought.
Then as we saw Troy standing waiting for us, his passed picked ip as if he thought he could actually make it past Troy. I saw his one arm reach around and grab my son, pull him to him just as I reached him where his other arm grabbed me and I crumbled to tears, my knees shaking…. Troy was keeping his promise Dad, I love you and will see you tomorrow…..
Part II tomorrow perhaps…
The part where we snuck back in with the Dominios pizza delivery dude so Thing 1, Thing 2, Troy and I could spend a moment with their papa, my daddy and a respected friend