It was so much more than a typical day six years ago. On the heels of a judge stamping my divorce giving me freedom, releasing both my children and myself from all of “that.” I stood my ground and got shit done. The one time in my life that my being so damn stubborn actually worked so well that I surprised even myself. Twelve days after that very important signature gave me a new lease on life, I was ready to cash that sucker in. I was a little scared, I cannot say I wasn’t. I couldn’t show exactly how scared because
of my children and also for Troy. He was already worried sick about me. So were my parents. It wasn’t that I was anxious we were moving 1000 miles to a place I had never seen, that was a completely different kind of anxiety. I was scared because just the day before an extremely drunk newly divorced x husband came to say goodbye to his children. When they were less than ecstatic to see him in the first place, he was wobbly drunk they got scared. As he left, he turned to me to talk. I wanted none of it, he was less than a nice drunk most of the time. That moment was no different. He had told the kids he was heading to rehab again (stay 7 I think) when he turned to direct this conversation to me I think for one split second he looked as though he regretted the hell he put me through. Only a split second because the mean drunk pushed that sad man, sad father and sad husband aside to unleash upon me. Any good feelings were squashed down to obliterate around him as anger and plain meanness exploded, while he was surprised I was going through with this 1000 mile move he also promised me he would take these kids from me. He vowed whatever it took, be it stealing them, he would have them and I would not.
What a great parting gift, huh?
All I had was what.Mr Chow said:
TOODOOLOO! <- Click or not to see but its kinda how I felt as we pulled away
It has actually taken years to shake that threat. My kids are big now but it still haunts me. He was a ruthless man when he was drinking, I cannot convey that as serious as it actually was. My children haven’t quite shaken it either, I still see it in their eyes when he is around them. They can’t hide it from me, and in a better world, they wouldn’t be able to hide it from their biological father. If he had been a better man he would see it, unfortunately that is not the case. Troy sees it, he sees it crystal clear and has been able to stand as our fort door keeping it strong and formidable.
That next morning after this so called good bye, when I got the call as he entered rehab, my own dad gave me the go. “Get in the car, leave today, understood little girl?” You see, the threats were somewhat real to my family, we knew this asshole and knew not to trust a word he said. Once it was confirmed he was there, I pretty much ran and he didn’t know where except within 25 miles of my parents.
When we woke up this morning six years ago, our day looked chaotic. It was just as chaotic as it had been the night before. We had pulled over about eleven or so in a town that we did not now our way around at all but we were so exhausted and stressed, we needed sleep.
Looking back, it was no wonder. We had two cars, a truck full of children’s toys and our clothes looking like the Clampets driving to Beverly Hills. My car was like a little Noah’s ark. Two dogs, two cats, a rat, a lizard, two children and me. That ark was overfilled with chaos! And an ark it was not. It was a PT Cruiser. We stopped half way just because of stress inside that car. If we hadn’t, we may of been minus and animal or two, maybe a child as well.