Category Archives: The outside world trying to control you

Shits, giggles and milkshakes 

What I know: Usually a bad sign, “what I know”  that  I wish I didn’t 

Some people create their own storms then are surprised and get upset by the rain

Okay so, I don’t say much but when I do…
Erks me that this is such a negative thought, I’m too positive for this crapola.  It serves no purpose and I’m just plain tired of it because it doesn’t ever change. You can’t change people or make them choose to do right versus wrong. Yea, yea, I know. What i can do is point to the absurdity of the whole situation 

This whole idea of Disneyland Dad erks the shit out of me. It’s wrong on so many ways on many different levels but the level I’ll refer to here is this,

Dropping well over $1400 in one day doesn’t truly mean shit because when a kid or their mother actually could of used money to pay for, let’s say a lawyer, they get a “how dare you even!” response, 

Better yet, they are looking for just simple emotional support during a time of a child’s turmoil,  that you actually play a big ass role in, and just not showing up, even in a flipping phone call because it’s a bother, a bad time, simply not convenient, that shit is more than screwed up. Kids and adults get sick of begging for involvement from anyone and when it does come,  in the form of negativity, cockiness and the vantage point of “all knowing” “about me” who wants to be subjected to that over and over and over…

 If others make an effort only to get a “only talk to me when you want something” attitude, instead of blaming everyone else, why not make the effort your damn self instead of having to be sought after ? Why not answer the first time instead of just ignoring or having the audacity to act as if it’s an inconvenient time when it’s actually an emergency!  

It’s not a date that decidec what to make a phone call showing an interest. “Gonna wait a couple days so he/she doesn’t think I’m desperate or totally into them”

This doesn’t work with family. It definitely doesn’t work for children if any age.  It’s terrible this is something they are accustomed to and expect nothing more  It creates a whole lot of hurt and anger.  Why keep trying when that’s what you get in return??   

Why not be more responsible in the first place? Approaching 50 one would think you’d learn how to do that. Oh but wait, that’s too much work. That would be something that interferes with life as you know it. Well why not remember other parts that you claim to own more often? 
It’s like a slap in the face is what it is and you know, that’s just messed up. Can’t stand up and decide to join in later like that and expect anything else than exactly what is going on when the starting point is so much hurt and anger. That was left unattended way the hell too long.  There are only more piles of hurt and anger layered upon one another to a point where you can’t begin to break it apart once a year.  It becomes the opposite of the “hand sandwich” that represents “all together now….”

This is a massive Jenga game. Layer upon layer,  pain and hurt, pain and hurt, all cemented together and attempting to bash it to smitherines with an ice pick.   Picking at it is just about the worst thing to do.  

No one can help them, least of all me, they are worn and tired of it.  The game isn’t worth another layer.  Not to them anyway. Not that game. Not again 

As a parent who has seen it all, lived it, put the pieces back together, or tried because there are always some critical pieces of foundation missing, trust. I cannot do that.  I am unable to request them to trust when the history, the facts here scream RUN  As a concioejcious parent, how in the hell do I expect something from them when the situation is this sort of ordeal??    Knoeing  all the things that upset them are valid.  I don’t own that.  I was a completely different kind of victim here.  When a child finds damaging characters information  on their own because they are smart, information that is absurdly disgusting,  all it does is  prove and stamp validation that  nothing has changed.  It actually got worse. Not possible to unsee many things, not possible to take actions away.  Pretending they aren’t there is NOT actually possible.  They are there in BOLD PRINT flashing when a face is seen.  

So the facade continues,                                           lack of real communication contributes,   nothing is even remotely fixed, or attempted, not with the pretending all of it didn’t happen going on 

It’s not a game of make believe, it never was.   This is their life 

So the end is near again, what happens next?  Same ole same ole, new damn Jenga level mortared in snug and tight  

A situation  where you are walk away having a sense you’ve been taken for all you’ll give and then some. That’s a true definition of guilt.   Sadness that it means nothing, the presence is more like toleration till it’s over like that one uncle Fred who has no clue who you are each year but he’s feeding you your favorite candy so hell, why not?   For fucks sake, you are not interested in indulging ALL of it?  so why get any of it comfortably? 

No one has the 3 years old’s comprehension here. They were well above that AT age 3. Only being involved when it’s convenient for yourself only proves the value and worth in which you place upon them. Essentially not being around during all the important stuff so many times, not stepping up for it at all, well,  you then are going to feel the value and worth or the lack there of, in return. A big ass piece of humble pie jammed into a two hour visit. A terrible learned behavior. Perhaps deserving in their eyes though because that’s all they get in the first place. “Here’s the money limit now go..” which they will most likely push past that limit, like every kid does. The pure lack of presence + no authority/respect  as a parent will not equal  shits, giggles and milkshakes. That is a recipe for making a Humpfy Dumpty falling off the damn wall, which once again you won’t be present nor willing  to put the time in and effort to attempt to put the pieces back together again. 

This only plays into the whole Disneyland dad mentality. Kids see it all. They use it, whether they should or not isn’t the question here. 

Big things happen, both good and bad, a parent is suppose to be the people you can count on, suppose to be there no matter what, through the very thick and the oh so very thin.

A co-parent, married or divorced, is supposed to be the one you can count on for the good and bad also, all for the sake of the children because they are in fact YOUR children.  It’s never just money.  It’s bad when one party uses money as a reason to hold back visitation however it’s absolutely reprehensible that the other uses it as a reason to just be an asshole by not caring enough to help a child in serious distress, who in gods name leaves a child out to dry like that and then throws the parent who stood up to do anything and everything she can to help  the child out of a situation that could possibly haunt him forever ?   

Demanding respect “just cuz you are the parent” doesn’t cut it. Being daddy warbucks just proves the point of the guilt you feel because you chose this path and then are irritated and even sad you are on sunk in quicksand and there ain’t one rope in sight. 

Like I said, this is not make believe, how can the parent not see that the child saw the door slammed in their other parents face?  That door hit the child harder,  Trust in that.  The aftertaste is still in their mouths. It’s titled “didn’t care enough to….” 

“Some people create their own storms then are surprised and get upset by the rain”

It’s awful I looked up Disneyland dad and found this AFTER I wrote this jumbled mess 

The words in that link 

Why their kids feel cheated sticks out like the sorest thumb of all
MY WORST FEARS  👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻‼️‼️

But I’m bit a coward, I’ll stand with hot glue sifting through the pieces singing Zippity Doo Da

  Why? Because f^%# you that’s why 


all the Kings horses 


Well apparently the ole Humpty Dumpty didn’t know he should of waited unit the equinox where he could of balanced perfectly and maybe he wouldn’t of fallen.

Or maybe Humpty Dumpty was actually the man shooting the cannon   who was helping win the battle in Colchester when the cannon fell and all the Kings horses and all the Kings men… The big canon fell down, go  boom equates losing the battle.  Hold that thought…

image from
Or wait, maybe it was about King Richard III’s men who did abandon him (falling off the wall) or falling off a horse perhaps, either way his goose got cooked because no more Richard.

Many know I’m originally from a small suburb of Detroit.  Not from actual Detroit, a small working class town between Detroit and Ann Arbor but still considered a Detroiter or Metro-Detroit, that’s the explanation that most Metro-Detroiters use, deal.

Detroit Rock City during the 70’s when people my age were  influenced by true rock music.  As much as it can erk folks, including Troy,  this is the music of my people and so many I know (prolly you too) heard this and were maybe influenced by our older siblings of parents perhaps playing this song .  It wasn’t Neil Diamond (but frequenters of the Post Bar could prove otherwise when Sweet Caroline was played) The reference many will understand who read this, this group of Metro-Detroiters that I belong will

Anyhow, perhaps the line from Beautiful Loser from local hero and rock star Bob Segar, could apply to good old greedy Humpty Dumpty too, after all folks,  it was a riddle before it was a nursery rhyme.

Beautiful loser, read it on the wall. And realize, you just can’t have it all.

Beautiful loser, never take it all. ’cause it’s easier,  faster when you fall, You just don’t need it all. 

Okay, maybe or maybe not.  I was the one who my lit prof at MSU pointed out too often but lead me to read more so go figure.

“Since your thoughts are not within the mainstream, not wrong, just not mainstream, enlighten us Patty”.

((Cracking my fingers))  I will give this a whirl.

So in the lot of all I said, greed is an ugly thing, it’s not about beauty or walking through life a loser, the more you take, the more you afford yourself to actually be yours out of spite, jealousy or greed, the grand feeling of deserving of it all, despite being that being a friend or that a family member, or even a stranger: that person can appear kind and sweet, will say please and maybe even seem thankful at times, even genuine  but is sly as a fox because seeing what is around him, welp, he feels he deserves it, may even take it, steal it, do whatever he needs to have it.

However, in the end while he’s not looking, he’s abandoned like Richard III, then the wolves circle and come in for the kill.  See you later alligator! No one is there to help pick you up from the bootstrap, they aren’t willing to stick their hand out any longer, you will  fall fast and hard to be devoured by the wolves.  All you had to catch you, those important “things” well, sorry dude they  mean nothing in the end because that  “stuff” that is extraneous bullshit, will not save you, it doesn’t ever, it can’t.  One cannot simply change their hair or change their diets or even their shoes, the sly fox is still right there and eventually seen while hiding.  The wolves are always close.  The kindness of people is the only thing that can possibly fix the broken pieces, but alas, no one is there, maybe another fox in sheep clothing who is now assessing  what use they have for you and being desperate, you simply don’t see it.

Sad huh?  Well don’t do that then


Quite a few conversations have struck me lately, I saw a version of this by happenstance soon after, fact of the matter, if you have enemies, frankly it’s on you. If some person points out in some sort of coherent way exactly how you’re behavior was absolutely despicable and justified being called out on it, yet you choose to ignore it, move about your merry business and continue your behavior with no justification, consuming yourself with rage and vindictive thoughts of how much they have wronged you for the last time and “you’ll show them.” This is where you create enemies in your head. The reality here is, they find no use for the need to interact with you because of the disregard of your actions upon them, unless they are a gluten for punishment, they do not just for wait around with their hands in their pockets shuffling their feet until you attack again. Again, unless they enjoy punishment, they most likely won’t wait around any longer for you to decide to think they are worthy of your friendship or love when/if they decide to not be angry you that you should be, or will be waiting with bells on.

Well, the next chap that points out your shoe is untied maybe should be warned, God forbid they makers decision with disregard of that chaos feelings, that poor chap may not fair well and become your spoken enemy when they just walk away from that chaos, while people just look around like WTF?

How can they just do that which they want to whomever they want time and again?

You create enemies in your head, the definition by which is one way, the other parties decided that’s not worth the headache any longer, fly be free, knocking on that door again, I’ll just laugh and make googily faces through the window this time around….

the scope of things, do what right for you, I’d just be a thoughtful and more in-depth thinker maybe, NOT PARANOID be any means just aware, making sure who the fox is, where wolves are, and perhaps look closer at the helping hand reaching out because well too many can hide their ulterior motives quite well.  When you hear **poof** it’s over and trust me, Shakespeare wrote a better tragedy.

Humpty Dumpty:




This poor child is scared for life, how incredibly cruel and incredibly funny…. There is no way I could do this to my Thing#1 & Thing#2

Roll that fabulous been footage 

Fabulous been footage


Please enjoy  “arrive”  from a Soulspeak Life, seems quite simple but is extraordinarily difficult to achieve, but once you do, you will do what is needed to keep yourself in that peaceful, blissful place

I  strive daily that my beautiful children will find this inner purpose at a much younger age than I did.

Besides the fact….part duex

Yes, “part duex” as in a very bad sequel 

Subtitle:  Cutting your nose off despite your face….  I do not enjoy saying “I told you so!” however, ” doggone it, I told you so!!”

I would totally love to scream that loud enough that it would break glasses and could echo all the way to Timbuktu!!

There is not a person alive, my self included. who enjoys being told they are wrong, or were wrong, let alone someone who can prove you are wrong. It doesn’t matter what it’s about either. It is in poor taste to say “I told you so” also.  So I am seriously trying hard not to do that

So anyway, that whole situation with my kid in When the music’s over  and also Besides the fact… many have asked for an update to what, if anything happened with all that as school is about to start here and fall football season has a marching band.

Each year, we all have pretty much begged them To move him from mellophone to percussion.  The first year was a flat out no but last summer he was able to try out, and the teachers were actually surprised and he was moved straight away.  The wound from pretty much ripped open when this instructor refused again to keep him in percussion, and truly in my desperation to keep this kid in band, I was not ever given an answer to the  the reason why by the the instructor since last February.  My disheartened son quit completely.  I had a gut instinct this instructor was going to pull his usual, ” oh no you misunderstood, he’s in percussion, I don’t know why anyone would ever think that”. Because you said so is why and lack of any sort of reason, well that is just rude and insulting really
 So, in a nutshell,

There are always two weeks of marching band practice starting the last week or so.  Unfortunately, my father passed away during the first week this summer,  so my daughter couldn’t attend. A serious event  for any family and thankfull  they didn’t throw a fit over it.

The whole shit and shebang and a whole lot of WTH? came that first day of band camp when the other instructor sent a text asking him to come to band camp.  I called this last March. ” I swear to God on Granny’s grave” And it this point, if it had been addressed in any way the past seven months,  none of us would be here, including the instructors who need percussion players

 Isn’t that just great?? Decided he was worth it because he is actually a great musician? Last year he was wanting to even play in a college matching band because he enjoyed it so much and a few of his friends are in one at USC and are having a lot of fun, and now he hates it….truly hates it because of these asssnine games.

If they had ever said the kid just sucked sob bad that they just didn’t need a kid like that to try to teach all this entails, I probably would of been mad, but would have had this kid maybe go back to taking drum lessons that he did about in 7th grade when he played the french horn they chose for him.  That’s not the case, I have heard nothing but compliments from them about both my children, that’s what kills me here. If he was awful he wouldn’t been asked to come back.  Seems a whole lot of “cutting our joe off despite the face”

My daughter was able to try out early and be in the high school marching band as an 8 th grader, I agreed to let her try out for PIT because her brother was in drumline and I felt comfortable with her there because he would be as an 11th grader

This is strikes me in some bizarre comical way because it is an adult I’m dealing with,  not the conniving 17 year old girl playing the part in “Mean Girls” who changes “the rules” up without telling you to feed the craving for attention,  even negative attention just to get attention.

That being said, it’s actually tragic, not in the sense of catastrophic tragedy like a tsunami, volcanic eruption or a hurricane destruction but tragic in the sense that psychologically speaking here,  not only has my kid been shot down down and let down from success at the hand of his teacher, his mentor here.                It gets even worse, he has also just gotten a sour taste of  reality, and realized the one lesson a parent tries to enstill in their children from a young age:.

if they try their best, give it their all, with hard work, commitment, perseverance, and dedication to the things they just love so much, all of that will pay off and they can succeed in their dreams and aspirations

Just doesn’t seem so true now does it? ,     So, here sits momma trying to convince him that this situation just wasn’t his fault and  that working towards your dreams IS rewarding,  now it is just finding out what that dream is!

One thing in closing, I had to really commend my son for sticking to his guns here.  Despite the fact he absolutely enjoyed being a part of this tight knit group of kids, he was so very appalled at the way he was treated that he said if it happened again, he was “done”.  I wasn’t raised to be a quitter and neither was he, however, we all have made the effort to about this on our end, it was acknowledges and after almost 8 months, I don’t blame this kid one iota!