Tag Archives: children

‘the keeper’

Sometimes when we read someone else’s words they hit you deep down in your guts directly to your soul, these words did exactly that.  They paused me.  They made me remember my job, “the keeper

I had bracelets made for both my kids, I wear my sons, one day I’ll give it to him but for know I am the keeper of the message “ain’t no mountain high, no valley low” the song I played them so much during a very hard time in our lives, the divorce.  We are years passed that now, however, old wounds die hard and long sometimes so it is just a reminder that through it all, good and bad, they could always count on their keeper

It certainly is the little things that we know to keep this lil sailboat  sailing like a Viking battleship ‚Äč

One of our silly videos to fully embraced our motto ‚Äč



“I am the keeper.

I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments. 

I am the keeper of information. Who needs food 5 minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk. 

I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets. 

I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions. 

I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to do their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.

I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters. 

I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears. 

I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.

I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own. 

I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard. 

Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table – lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.

But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasp for breath.

Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.

Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted. 

My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you’re doing it alone. 

So to all of you who are keepers, I see you. 

I know the weight of the things you keep. 

I know the invisible work you do, which doesn’t come with a pay check or sick leave, is what makes the world go round. 

I see you.

And I salute you.”

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Credit: Lucky Orange Pants


Merry Christmas my Jedi Family 


Hoping this can find its way all the way to the places we are from to our parents, and our friends, and maybe up to heaven if it’s not too much to ask to wish those we love and adore and miss a heck of a lot l, wish them all the most beautiful Christmas Day!  


Now I’m gonna get MY bag of banana runts and curl up to watch A Christmas Story again, maybe catch the family Griswald later as well

Or imma gonna run with my Razzles and head to the beach!  It’s about 80 today! 


A little giggle before I go, ūüĎáūüŹĽ

Sleigh bells ring
Rapping ’round the Xmas tree


Merry Christmas Ya’al!  

Brookgreen gardens Night of 1000 Candles






Surprise Santa!

Continue reading Surprise Santa!

The Clampets, Noah and the Ark

It was so much more than a typical day six years ago.  On the heels of a judge stamping my divorce giving me freedom, releasing both my children and myself from all of “that.”   I stood my ground and got shit done.  The one time in my life that my being so damn stubborn actually worked so well that I surprised even myself.  Twelve days after that very important signature gave me a new lease on life, I was ready to cash that sucker in.   I was a little scared, I cannot say I wasn’t.  I couldn’t show exactly how scared because

 of my children and also for Troy.  He was already worried sick about me.  So were my parents.  It wasn’t that I was anxious we were moving 1000 miles to a place I had never seen, that was a completely different kind of anxiety.  I was scared because just the day before an extremely drunk newly divorced x husband came to say goodbye to his children.  When they were less than ecstatic to see him in the first place, he was wobbly drunk they got scared.  As he left, he turned to me to talk.  I wanted none of it, he was less than a nice drunk most of the time. That moment was no different.  He had told the kids he was heading to rehab again (stay 7 I think) when he turned to direct this conversation to me I think for one split second he looked as though he  regretted the hell he put me through.  Only a split second because the mean drunk pushed that sad man, sad father and sad husband aside to unleash upon me.  Any good feelings were squashed  down to obliterate around him as anger and plain meanness  exploded, while he was surprised I was going through with this 1000 mile move he also promised me he would take these kids from me.  He vowed whatever it took, be it stealing them, he would have them and I would not.

What a great parting gift, huh?

All I had was what.Mr Chow said:

TOODOOLOO!   <- Click or not to see but its kinda how I felt as we pulled away

It has actually taken years to shake that threat.  My kids are big now but it still haunts me.  He was a ruthless man when he was drinking, I cannot convey that as serious as it actually was.  My children haven’t quite shaken it either, I still see it in their eyes when he is around them.  They can’t hide it from me, and in a better world,  they wouldn’t be able to hide it from their biological father.  If he had been a better man he would see it, unfortunately that is not the case.  Troy sees it, he sees it crystal clear and has been able to stand as our fort door keeping it strong and formidable.

  That next morning after this so called good bye, when I got the call as he entered rehab, my own dad gave me the go.  “Get in the car, leave today, understood little girl?”  You see, the threats were somewhat real to my family, we knew this asshole and knew not to trust a word he said.  Once it was confirmed he was there, I pretty much ran and he didn’t know where except within 25 miles of my parents.

 When we woke up this morning six years ago, our day looked chaotic.  It was just as chaotic as it had been the night before. We had pulled over about eleven or so in a town that we did not now our way around at all but we were so exhausted and stressed, we needed sleep.

Looking back, it was no wonder.  We had two cars, a truck full of children’s toys and our clothes looking like the Clampets driving to Beverly Hills.  My car was like a little Noah’s ark.  Two dogs, two cats, a rat, a lizard, two children and me.  That ark was overfilled with chaos!   And an ark it was not.  It was a PT Cruiser.  We stopped half way just because of stress inside that car.  If we hadn’t, we may of been minus and animal or two, maybe a child as well.

 We were literally on the home stretch, to cash in that signature, there was a thing or two that had to happen first….  It is always darkest before it is light ….





SHE is the beauty, be her blessing 

It’s really just that simple. ¬†You sign up for agenda and be the ones who helps her architect, not just the creation of her dreams and goals ¬†but also be an active participant in helping her reach them. ¬†That’s it, plain and simple!

..for you girls, you must risk everything for Freedom, and give everything for Passion, loving everything that your hearts and your bodies love. The only thing higher for a girl and more sacred for a young woman than her freedom and her passion should be her desire to make her life into poetry, surrendering everything she has to create a life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in her imagination.


I made that promise the moment I laid eyes on this beautiful child, actually from the first moment I knew she was coming. ¬† To be a mother is the most glorious blessing in this entire world. ¬† She came to me as a blessing but as she grows into a young woman, I vow to be the blessing in her life until my last breath and encourage, support, hold up at times and listen quietly others. ¬†I will do all in my power to help her find herself inside life’s chaos and help her in every way possible to make her dreams come true

Pretty, pretty  please!!! 


even my younger brother knew to say “hand”


I actually had the mortal shit scared out of me today, I have no other words to even explain how scared I was!
Weird shit happens to me & if today is any indication that is not going to change so I am going to have to figure out how to embrace this shit

A mothers worst nightmare! 

We were simply taking Thing 1, Thing 2 & her friend ¬†to see a flick. ¬†As we were walking in a little child walked right out the door of the movie theater between Thing 2 ¬†her friend& I. We were standing waiting for parents to walk out the door…. waiting…no parents as the little toddler gets closer to the parking lot…an old woman pushing a walker yelled as I found myself running to scoop this child up as he hit the pavement of the parking lot directly in front of a car that was moving…Good God it scared me to death!!

I did scoop him up and now I’m holding a wiggly kid but not a hurt one thank god. ¬†Now, what do I do?? ¬†As I get the manager and start searching for this little babies parents. ¬†All thru the movie theater, ¬†bowling alley and game room: “show me mommy & daddy honey” ¬†I must of said that 100 times, ¬†no parents. Try to hand the kid off to the two managers of the movie theater, he would have none of it and started to cry. ¬†“Alright little buddy, show me where mommy is” I started again.

The managers called mall Security. ¬†Einstein there thought I was reporting my child found and asked if he had ID when he finally figured out what I was saying. ¬† ID!???? ¬†The kid is one maybe 2 if we are lucky here, Sherlock, or handy you noticed?? ¬†I knew not to give the kid to that fool but told that dip to call the police, I found a child I did not lose one!! ¬†As the shift supervisors & managers of the theater walked with me and this little boy, he finally went to them and they took him around all the movie theaters again while waiting for the police. They took some info from me in the event ¬†the police needed me for some reason and after the movie I asked if they found his parents, the guy on duty had absolutely no clue what I was talking about. ¬†No one did. ¬†I am saying a prayer the police found them there wasn’t much else I could do about it but I can say I at least found him and stopped him from getting run over and hurt. ¬†What scared me more than Paul Blart Mall Cop was the fact I had that kid in my arms for a half hour maybe, I saw no frantic mommy, daddy no nana, papa, no auntie or uncle, no one frantically screaming they lost a little boy.

Keep your children in the stroller, the buggy or grocery cart, please please pretty please do not let these babies who are just barely walking and not talking yet, out of your sight. ¬†This ¬†little fella couldn’t ¬†tell anyone anything helpful at all. ¬† He’s not meant to yet, he was just a toddler!! ¬†Where the hell was the adult who should of been watching this baby…no one knew. ¬†That’s some scary shit!

Live not memorex 

Teenager: the ages 13-18 (sometimes until age 20( the years in which your children seem to lose the capacity to understand the English language, even the smallest statements render teenagers to thinking their parents ¬†are from another planet speaking an unknown language ¬†that even Marvin the Martian can’t understand.

By simply stating ¬†“I have not one but two ¬†teenagers” to most older people, you get that sympathy look you do not want, ¬†“Ohh, I’m so sorry, it will get better when they are just a bit older, hang in there”.

Of course, there will be parents who say they have no issues at all with their kids in their teens. ¬†Now really? ¬† I think these are the same parents who bragged that their infant’s slept through the night since birth and that’s the same parents (moms) ¬†who say natural childbirth is no big deal.

Newsflash: these are just awful and cruel exaggerations. ¬†The thing these parents don’t realize that we know it’s an exaggeration and would actually respect them more if you could own up to it. ¬†There is no perfect child just as there is no perfect parent. Still we hear these stories of perfection. ¬†I think they must not of slept at all during the whole ¬†infancy stage to leave them making shit up like that. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†One time I actually said, “isn’t that’s the biggest line of bullshit I’ve ever heard”

¬†While learning to navigate this thing called life, both parents and their children have moments ¬†that makes no sense ¬†at all. ¬†Like why your kid makes up a story that is outrageous and obviously not true, but doesn’t realize you know exactly what’s going on and remind them gently that they are giving you a load of bullshit and maybe try the ¬†truth, it can’t be that bad. ¬†When they come clean, it isn’t bad at all. ¬†Silly child doesn’t think momma was ever young and has done a few things herself like this. ¬†Kids just don’t think straight during the teen years, it is enough to make anyone crazy. ¬† ¬†Even my own mom said she’d like to have had us, especially my younger brother, cryofrozen until the age of 18 because all three of us about made her go coo-coo.

So I lived through his practice driving event…

I was only scared about ¬†25 times because we were going to run off the road into the ditch, hit every car ¬†parked on the right side of every ¬†road, about scare to death all ¬†the old ¬†farts who were waking their dogs just as we ran them over and use a whole tank of gas just cuz we like to “gun it” “put the pedal to the metal” like Smoky & the Bandit!

¬†I will say he is the best kid ever, just like your child. ¬†I will say he’s smart as a tack, just like your child. ¬†I will say that he & his isister are funnier than any comedian I’ve ever seen or heard, ¬†quick witted and smart assy like you wouldn’t believe, just like your child maybe. ¬† ¬† I will say he makes the most retarded mistakes, just like your child. ¬†I will say that he and his sister are by far the two best things I have ever done or will ever do ¬†in my lifetime, just like you will say. ¬†And they drive me wholeheartedly bananas while they fill my heart with love like I never knew existed.

I have heard people say that if they could just ¬†go back and do something different perhaps they wouldn’t make the same mistakes they would try and get a different outcome. ¬†Well, ¬†I cannot agree, no not all. ¬†No way I’d go back and even peek at the “do-over.” ¬†I married an alcoholic, trust me wasn’t fun by any means, but here’s the thing; if I hadn’t married him I would t have these two kids, they are my lifeline, they are my story, they are “my human diary” ¬†so I’d absolutely not got back.

We have all had good and bad getting where we are, I am grateful and blessed by this family I have created. ¬†Troy and I are just really having the time of our lives seeing.¬†these two grow up and all of their “firsts.”

when the musics over


You know, as a parent I’ve tried to teach  both my children that we should all treat everyone around us with respect, adults which includes their teachers, and even other kids as well.  How disappointing it is when we strive to be respectful of those around us when they do not in any way do the same… 

I’m faced with a situation that I’ve found myself not worthy of even getting a reply to a simple question, I got nothing at all, no text, email or a phone call.  A “kiss my ass lady” would be better than nothing, that would at least be some sort of reply to work with 
When an adult treats other adults this way, makes me really wonder how in the hell this adult treats kids, not just my kid but all kids.  Of course, I could be told I shouldn’t worry about anyone’s kids but my own, maybe. Well, that’s on me because I do care if this sort of thing happens.  Perhaps it’s because I was trained to be a teacher.  If a parent tried to talk with me as the teacher here, I would at the very least make sure that parent didn’t feel like they weren’t worth my precious time and respond to a text, or an email.  It takes all of a minute to say “I’m extremely busy but will get back to you”.  Is that too hard or too unreasonable a request to recognize that you received a text or email?   No it’s not, I would hate to interrupt anyone’s Candy Crush game here but come on now…
I have really decided that you ask others the right kind of questions and lots of truth is told.  I’m not the only one who thinks this is just unacceptable behavior from an adult my children must respect in class and in the hallways at school.  How shitty can a teacher be that would just ignore whatever they want to, take no time or make no time to answer a darn question from a parent and keep getting away with that?  


What kind of lesson am I teaching my kids here?  “You can try your darnedest but to tell you the truth there will always be people who just suck and will treat everyone however they want but you, no, you don’t do that. And if it is a teacher acting like this, suck it up because you nor I can do one damn thing about it.”  This falls into the ‘do what I say not what I do’ category which is pretty hypocritical.  
As parents we help our children to find a passion for something they like to do. We help them to try out new things that they may happen to like, from sports, to academics, to drama, to musical instruments.  When they chose one of the other, a parent may then say “work hard, and it will pay off one day, but you have to commit to this passion, take it serious and try your very best, even on the bad days, you must commit to it with all of you” 

Well, I’ve realized that this just doesn’t always apply, now I’ve got to explain to both my kids that their passion, their absolute love for one particular thing, the one thing my kids happen to have in common, where they have found their passion, doggone it, it ain’t going to happen here.  That their passion for music is just not going to work out within school, the commitment is not going to be recognized  so yes, mom will look for another route for you to embrace this passion even if I have no clue how to even do that at this moment. 




 Who is she? 

Well, Who’d you think? Heck she be me! ¬†…Giggling…

I actually see it for what it is and don’t let any one thing define me. ¬†It seems belittling to cut yourself short of your own identity. ¬†I could not identify with saying I’m only ¬†“Thing 1 and 2’s mother,¬†Troy’s¬†wife, or Jack’s kid, or someone’s “big or littler sister.” ¬† Good heavens no, I am so much more, and quite possibly somedays, ¬†I am less, ¬†I suppose, we all have moments of greatness and for weakness, that’s fair to say. ¬†I’d much rather say, I’m not¬†just¬†thing 1 &2’s mum, not¬†just¬†¬†Troy’s¬†wife, not¬†just¬†Jack’s kid, or¬†just¬†someone’s sister ….perhaps I am¬†just¬†not someone you know….


I always was an unusual girl…

My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean… ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†I¬†once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.

Lana Del Rey

I am not just s girl, I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, mother,a divorcee, a world class chef in my home, even a maid somedays,  others a plumber if need be..

A¬†¬†40 something chick, who many say is just a hippie, who believes she’s 29 and refuses to grow up completely ¬†Some things are crystal¬†clear to me: laughter keeps me young,, love fills my heart ¬†and my children make me smile and grin from ear to ear daily, just moments ¬†after I want to pull my hair out because they maka me coo-coo!!!¬†¬†I wear a ring, actually two with great significance to us, ¬†but I am not married (although they all keep asking, ¬†we just haven’t got that far in a plan)


¬†Both my family and friends can’t quite decide if I am Thelma, ¬†Louise, Lucy or Ethel because I have this overwhelming knack for the absolute oddest things that anyone has ever seen happening around me, ask around: I’m not kidding. ¬†I love fiercely so don’t cross my path or my family with ill intention, the one thing I am NOT is a good enemy to have, the old “forgive & forget” just doesn’t fly with me ¬†but I am as loyal as they comes as a friend and as a lover. I will arm up quickly and protect those I love faster and harder than 10 momma bears put together, my momma taught me well. ¬†I refuse to sugar coat anything, ¬†I will call a spade a spade, my daddy taught me that. ¬†

At one point, I let others choose for me and they chose poorly, I know better now


I chose my own path, it is clearly defined to me and my chosen few.  A common path that we share openly and willingly. A path mapped out  by not only myself but those who are most important to me as well, my chosen others of like minds and souls. A path that is positive, not hurtful or demeaning to others.  Not self righteous and holier than thou either, but full of happy and actually very, very  good people whom I love and adore with all my heart, even on bad days (both theirs or mine)

 Fabulous friends considered part of my family who are positive natured and not self absorbed. Those who have chosen differently,well,  veered into a different direction, they have left my path willingly by choosing their own path which is completely  infathomable to me. They chose  paths of negative behavior topped with negative attitudes and then still more negative behavior that is spiteful and mean. I find no use in that so I have chosen different.  I am sure of it, due to the fact, others actually point it out to me.

I have been judged on so very much, not just on my faith to which no soul shall judge again. This life, I call mine, is not ¬†anyone’s ¬†to judge either, not one damn part of it . ¬†I can play my own wait and see game until my own judgement day. ¬†Say what you will, prepare for your own day of judgment, stop shouting my way, I choose not to listen, I refuse to hear you. ¬†I do not knock on others doors to bother, so I shall not open my door for anyone unless I want to. ¬†Plain and simple. ¬†


This¬†¬†is not arrogance, this is not selfishness, what it is and how it came to be is¬†Confidence¬†¬†in who I am as an individual. ¬†Having parents who only aided in helping us ¬†to figure ¬†out who we were ¬†and who we would become. ¬†My parents did this for all three of their children just as I do for my own. ¬†My parents were very, very loving parents, to each other and to us kids and now to my children. ¬†So much so that I never once doubted that they would not be there for me, they would no matter what, just as I apways will be for my own children ¬† They say “children learn by example,” I tell you, the example they set was undeniable, love us truly a source of strength, to which It aided in our own self-confidence


Sure, there have been awful times as you may read here. ¬†The awful moments are not to define you, not at all. ¬†Don’t short sell your well being here. ¬†Figure out how you exactly feel about it, NOT what someone tells you to see, look at ¬†the truth about it, forgive & forget if you chose, live & learn, whatever, ¬†but make a decision and stick to it ¬†and really just stop complaining. ¬†It’s kind of like ¬†“all in or all out” at some point. ¬†You either want it or you don’t. ¬†Life choices are hard, they were never meant to be easy. ¬†I’ve had some doozies myself, however, “the approach I have had may not work for some” they will say, ¬†Well, I say that’s just a crock of shit, an excuse for someone else ¬†to keep you or for you to keep yourself just plain stuck in whatever situation you’ve found yourself in full of misery. ¬†Some do it to ¬†make other people feel miserable also, “if I can’t be happy, you won’t get to either” ¬†Sound familiar? ¬†I know plenty who try daily to bring others down, talk nasty to just create negativity all around them.¬†



If you never move, you’ll never even know or see the solution that is right in front of you and that it’s been right there waiting to catch your attention. ¬†The more stubborn folks are about making everyone miserable around them, being vindictive and spiteful, that goes back to you because those around you will start treating you in such a negative way, now you are more miserable than when you first began. ¬†Now two are stuck, how many more are dragged in to create a bigger mess? ¬†The more the merrier is only going to make it more difficult to try and escape. ¬†

Time¬†suddenly flies when your have blinders on someone keeps reminding you how miserable you are,¬†It’s hard to shake the pessimistic feeling because you feed on the negative energy and one day you turn around and see the solution bright as day, ¬†but then it could simply be too late. ¬†This epiphany dulls quickly, and it will fade away and there you are again miserable but this time you are alone. ¬†It would be nice but we cannot turn back the hands of time. ¬†And it is completely useless for you to try and avoid tomorrow by looking behind you constantly. ¬†Tomorrow is coming whether you like it or not so why not try once embrace it? Regret can eat you up inside. Either stay or go, shit or get off the pot,¬†do what you said you’d do, what you wanted to do, do what you said you were going to do in the first place and do it fast, or quite simply: Sush, hush yourself, just drop it, step up or just completely forget it. ¬†If you continue thinking it’s not to late to change, and keep shouting at the top of your lungs that you are gonna change and ¬†never actually change, well, shit, get used to the pain, that terrible pain inside. ¬†The world shall not revolve around any single individual, it doesn’t work that way. No one is required to wait for your epiphany. ¬†Teach our children that so they don’t think that the whole world let them down when mostly it’s themselves that let them down

¬†Thing 2 drew this when she was about 9. ¬†She realized that we have to take the good with the bad in our lives. ¬†Shit happens, good shit, bad shit…it all comes with the ticket we get in our life, buy one get one free sorta thing. ¬†Figure out what will bring you peace, real peace for you, ¬†no one else. ¬† Life is what you make of it, what¬†you¬†make of.

 There is no place, like no place on earth  a land full of wonder, mystery and dangers!  some say to survive it, you need to be mad as a Hatter,  which likely I am

Alice in Wonderland