Tag Archives: friendship

Apologies, 

  

I am pissed, I just did this, it’s too soon to do it again.  

I’m pissed that cancer exists

I’m pissed that my dear friends children may not have him to enjoy as they grow up, graduate, fall in love, have their own children 

I’m pissed I live 1000 miles from him 

I’m pissed that I can’t get there to say I love you right now

I am pissed you never got to bring those beautiful babies to the beach like we planned 

I’m pissed that we won’t get to go and stay in the Robinsin Caruso house/hotel at Disney like we wanted with our kids  

I’m pissed that you thought you were a bad dad, you aren’t 

I’m pissed you cannot see everyone around you writing on your hand and see where I said ” imma gonna poke you in the eye if you don’t wake up  feeling better”

I’m pissed you can’t see who is around you showing love from near or far 

I’m pissed people thought you were just too odd for your own good, you are my kind of odd big guy and I love you 

I’m pissed because I am not able to talk to you and laugh at all your perverted sick jokes I love 

I’m pissed Tim didn’t get to know you more 

I’m pissed that I can’t shout at you to get your shit together and kick this shit out of you 

I’m pissed you can’t say “only you Patty” when my dog eats the blue cake mix and it looks like smurfs were murdeted in my kitchen, blue poop bombs piss me off too 

I’m pissed I won’t be able to tell you how my dog ate the whole house while somehow my cat dished it out to him 

I’m pissed we didn’t get to talk about Star Wars again,

I’m just really fricken fracked fucking pissed that I am here right now, this is  so much sooner than you need to go 

I’m pissed I’m praying the pain you have will end soon,  but  I’m pissed that I’m being selfish and don’t want you to go 

Did I mention I am pissed?

I pissed that I could give you and everyone else 200,299 reasons why I am pissed 

I’m just plain ole pissed.                             Hey world,  You haven been warned 

I love you Chris, always have and always will…

yea, way down in my guts kinda love! 

Desperately hard week and my brain won’t shut off so I’m not sleeping and I’m tired so when I saw this box in my mailbox, I smiled. I gotta box! From who?  My friend who I just call K (not from MIB either) I’m squirt she’s K, has been always and will always be

The stress of this particular week and this particular day, when I read the words my body simply crumbled to the floor in my kitchen, seriously, so overwhelmed. I heard myself crying like a little kid who lost his dog, made me cry more. Karma eating me alive? Maybe. If that’s what this is, I’d watch out, change your ways because when it hits like it hit me all week.  Poor Troy, hearing that kind of cry he was there in all of 2 seconds and I couldn’t even speak. compounded with losing my dad, my god I’m totally crushed with the events the last week.  I won’t explain them here, it will make a few very very angry and most days I’d take it but I don’t need that extra bullshit right now and neither does Troy

This is the most sincere gift I’ve ever gotten, Patty needed a hero today I couldn’t muster my own this week, Troy tried, but he was confused himself about it all.  I think  God tapped K on the shoulder and said “psst….I think you have a fiend calling to you…”

An hour later I saw his initials engraved on the underside.. crumble

I love it, I think it’s beautiful, it’s on my wrist but forgive me I cannot look at it, it’s there though, I feel it. One day I’ll be able to look, it will help my heart mend a bit with what the words say. 

My God I hope so cuz I can’t take much more.  

K knows this feeling all to well, she lost her dad sometime ago also. I thank her Momma Sue for giving us this beautiful gift, wholeheartedly the kindest person I’ve ever known since I was 15, my friend that I truly love and would try to move heaven and earth if I could when she need me, I stand eternally grateful, loved and blessed by her presence in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your letter was just so heart felt. I so miss you, when I wrap my head around this, I’ll call. Know this feller Tim is pointing me in the right direction ‘and making sure I’m okay, that my crumbling isn’t all the time. Karen, my friend, you were my hero today, you and that little box!  

There will be a day I will be able to look and cherish it and she knows that wherever she is right now, it’s just not today though, she knows how much my parents mean to me. Well everyone knows I am a sap with it comes to them, I can’t help it, it’s a good thing !

Reality is that I don’t care one bit to agree I’m a daddy’s girl either.  Someone unkind and spiteful called me that once in an extremely derogatory way.   I think it’s a compliment.  My daddy did In fact rock and had his reasons for what he did for me whether I liked it or not, I do know that in my heart, my momma does as well  Also,  what Nana & papa mean to my children I know that, they have always too, They pretty much co-parented with Troy and I There is not bad in any of that, I turned out pretty good whether they see it or not.  Giving love is one thing but walking around with the feeling of love, through words, actions, reactions and just a very clear sense and ability to feel it, that’s something entirely different than merely giving love.  I am  so cheesy and sappy now, I think i always was and didn’t realize it to the full extent

My God, I do not miss Michigan not one bit, but Its moments like these that I truly miss my life long friends. K, you are the most kindest and compassionate person I know, my Dad said the same thing. I’m not all psychic ability aura lady over here by any means, but it these beautiful qualities in you, well they just ooze from you, being around you truly makes people feel good. 

I believe my dad said once or twice that being around you calmed my 20’s, they had potential for major disaster! I thank you from deep within me, way down in my guts kinda thank you and love! What a way with words, eh? Seriously though, everyone says they feel blessed and grateful for friends around them but honestly, whole heartedly, embarrassing awful voice singing Respect over MANY watered down  $1 long islands, I am more grateful and blessed by having you a part of my life as the life long friend I can catch up where we left off, not missing a beat as if its not been 6 years since Ive seen you kinda best friend!   Thank  you so much, I’ll be up to see you soon, we have a lot of birthday dinners to catch up on! Love you my friend always….

 

Misadventures of Bonnie and Clyde: I found my thrill….

With thinking about strawberry field mishaps, I figured I shouldn’t leave out blueberries….

It was sometime in Junior High that I went on vacation with my dear friend Bonnie and her family.  Now Bonnie and I are a lot alike and always have been, two peas in a pod when it came up our sense of humor and both having an extreme knack for the odd if not some of the most bizarre happenings around us.

A friend I met at kindergarten round-up, so we have definitely known each other most of our lives.  We go long spells of not talking so much as we’d like now that we have families and we live 1000 miles from each other but it matters not, she is one of those kind of friends where we don’t skip a beat when we are back together.  She was Bonnie, I was Clyde (or PQ and her family will laugh if they see that PQ!)  She and I had our own “Thelma and Louise” moments that were just a helluva lot closer to “Lucy and Ethel” really, maybe “Laverne and Shirley” too.  Whatever “daring duo,” even The Wonder Twins just really applied to us.

Although my family didn’t vacation in Michigan, many families I know would go “up north” which was actually anything north of Flint.  So I was camping with her family somewhere up north, I remember Jones Lake,  maybe that was where but now I am not sure

Here we are just enjoying life, probably picking on her younger brother and being excited because her dad had just got her tickets to see Rick Springfield at Pine Knob before summer was over.  We had to drive to a pay phone somewhere for her dad to call someone to get the tickets somehow.  I remember all the quarters he had to make the call.  He was successful and we were ecstatic!       Later  her momma and dad were going to pick blueberries.  We had these little buckets and we set off somewhere that I just can’t remember for the life of me.   Off we go to pick ’em blueberries.  We weren’t paying much attention just meandering and picking berries, eating them and  gabbing a mile a minute like we always did.  Seems things were going just fine, I figure we were eating more blueberries than we picked, and having fun.  Right up until we both happen to see a military tank approaching us….

Yes, I said tank.  It’s more than a little odd to be picking blueberries in a field in the middle of Michugan and see a tank driving by.  Well,  neither of us thought this was normal in any way, but what happened next, well that is just the kind of things that happen to me and Bon is the same, so we were about to be double whammies to say the least.

 I’m not familiar with  the inner workings of a tank but I do know the hatch opens on the top so they can get in and out of it and there are usually some sort of artillery involved or attached, after all, it is a tank

Artillery, key word here.

The hatch was either open or it was opened already, I don’t know but we saw the soldier at the same time but before we could look at each other thinking “what in the world?”  The soldier started shooting……

Remember: artillery

These things all happen so quickly or so slowly, who even knows, i sure don’t.  I saw my life flash before my eyes.  There went our buckets of blueberries into the air!  What would they tell my parents??  I was shot dead by a soldier dude in a tank while picking blueberries??  Now, we’ve really done it, we are going home in body bags.  My dad isn’t gonna like this one bit.   
Did we let our blood curling screams?  Probably, I dont remember because we were trying to dash out of the dangerous war zone like Superman and we were definitely not faster than any speeding locomotive, we were more like Scooby and Shaggy, when they are running away but going nowhere at all, rather than a Speedy Gonzales or the a Road Runner that’s for sure.  I figure we could of ran over and trampled each other or bounced off each other and maybe knocked  each other out cold because that moment we both simply thought we were goners  RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE And RUN FORREST RUN; does not even give true light to what was going through our heads!

I don’t recall how we were stopped from running away from our pending  doom, but someone did stop us.  I don’t recall anyone but the two of us creaking the hell out I figure the have a very different take on this because they were behind us a bit. Probably laughing uncontrollably and pointing at us.  Who could blame them, I’m sure we were a bizarre sight worth a lot of laughs.  Imagine if they’d had cell phones?  Oh lawdy!!  The soldiers from Camp Graylinjg felt just awful for terrifying two young girls by shooting blanks at us. I think they ended up giving us all the rations that they had and giving us a round of bullets to have in the event we wanted to dress up like Rambo or GI Jane for Halloween because we were so tough!  Yea, well they got laughs out of this just like our parents did!

this girl, love her heart !

Birdhouse in your soul TMBG!

I will forever hold dearly to my heart the trip listening to Gordon Heavyhand  while laying in that hammock like only PQ could, the trip where I was almost killed by the army reserve from Camp Grayling while strolling through a blueberry field with my dear friend somewhere up north in inid-Michigan.  How could either of us ever forget?!!

Sundown by Gordon Heavyhand 😜

I love you my Bonita Fea Magdalena Sammich lady and you know what?  I always will!

I get by with a little help….

Since my daddy has been so sick, my family has pulled ourselves tighter together as we have ever been.  We have all worked together here to be as supportive as we can for both my parents,  especially my Momma.  Us kids could possible worry ourselves silly or even crazy here over our parents.

They kept us at all at bay until they decided it was right and when that time came, it was not me standing with my brother or sister, it couldn’t be they don’t live here, I wasn’t standing with Troy either, he was watching the kids, it was just me and my mom.  I shit you not, I about passed out seeing him that first time!  I had to wear a mask so neither could see my bottom lip quivering. Only my eyes and they had a i of been as wide as saucers, like a 8 year old scared to death.  I stayed all of 5 minutes maybe and I was barely able to not sit right down in the hallway and bawl when I got out of that room.  In the elevator I felt sick to my stomach.  All the way to the car, I can’t remember if I spoke, I don’t remember.  I just wanted that car to drive and drive fast as it could away from there. Yes, I know I’m a baby, I accept that willingly, my parents are my rock, have been and always shall be.  These will be tough days, but as the kid who is standing there that day wanting to just crumble, I realize that just is not an option.  I can’t let it be.

A few months later, he is finally coming home.  He was there 2 months and is coming home extremely weak.  I say thank you from the bottom of my heart to Troy, he certainly did not have to go there everyday with me, no one enjoys visiting a damn hospital. The day it seemed everything was going wrong, that it all had fell apart in front of my eyes, he said nothing, he stood and listened as I sat like a child actually on the floor holding my fathers hand.  I had no words, neither did he when my father spoke.  Now that shit was just the hardest thing I have ever done, or attempted to do in my entire life.   At that moment, I had no idea what to do, what to say,  all I could muster was “I know, I know Dad”. What did I know?  Hell if I knew really.  I think Troy could have scooped me up like a baby right then,  I had no strengthin my knees to stand.  But it did get better, he did get somewhat better and is improving daily. To what extent will he get better, I have no idea at this moment we are rolling with the punches here.

Taking a hard look at it all, well I guess you gotta fall apart completely before you can put it back together.  You gotta tweak the bent puzzle pieces into anew reality of sorts, a new picture that resembles the old with some minor changes or major changes, whatever it takes.

That was our job right then, I think, try and make the house fit this situation that sucked.  Mom needed hardwood floors to maneuver his wheelchair, Troy laid the floor while I kind of helped  him and my mom organize whatever she needed done.  He stepped up for me and for my family in preparation for my dad to come home.  You have no idea how grateful I am, thank you .

I cannot relay the gratitude that we all have for all those who have helped my family in so many different ways.  I don’t know that we could of done this without all the support we have received!


It is a testament to the meaning of true friendship because so many absolutelly caring and loving friends that I have had  checking in on my family since this stressful time began, thank you all.   Despite the fact I live 1000 miles away from that place called home, so many of my dear friends sent emails,  texts and phone calls to check on how he was doing, how I was doing, from the bottom of my heart you just kept me afloat.  Troy and my children as well.  Alone sometimes we feel weak, but with all this support I did not feel that way.  Even when I had moments of feeling complete and udder weakness, there was someone there just saying “hello” ya’al drug me out of that weak place, again thank you so very much, I am eternally grateful and I do feel blessed to have all of you wonderful crazy people to call my friends, to call a part of my family.   Crazy you say?  Yep, all ya’al are, believe me I know, it takes one to know one!!