Tag Archives: kids

‘the keeper’

Sometimes when we read someone else’s words they hit you deep down in your guts directly to your soul, these words did exactly that.  They paused me.  They made me remember my job, “the keeper

I had bracelets made for both my kids, I wear my sons, one day I’ll give it to him but for know I am the keeper of the message “ain’t no mountain high, no valley low” the song I played them so much during a very hard time in our lives, the divorce.  We are years passed that now, however, old wounds die hard and long sometimes so it is just a reminder that through it all, good and bad, they could always count on their keeper

It certainly is the little things that we know to keep this lil sailboat  sailing like a Viking battleship ‚Äč

One of our silly videos to fully embraced our motto ‚Äč

‚Äčhttp://us.vivavideo.tv/v/zX6gd2sq/1/

‚Äč
 

“I am the keeper.


I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments. 


I am the keeper of information. Who needs food 5 minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk. 


I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets. 


I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions. 


I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to do their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.


I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters. 


I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears. 


I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.


I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own. 


I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard. 


Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table – lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.


But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasp for breath.


Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.


Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted. 


My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you’re doing it alone. 


So to all of you who are keepers, I see you. 


I know the weight of the things you keep. 


I know the invisible work you do, which doesn’t come with a pay check or sick leave, is what makes the world go round. 


I see you.


And I salute you.”


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Credit: Lucky Orange Pants

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Fancy seeing you here….

Thought that was you again…..

Don’t mind us w are just living our lives to the fullest filled with love and lots of smiles, and a crapload of sunshine which makes us smile!
You may or may not see what you are looking for so I’ll try to help,

In my home, there is:

You may be lucky enough to see our Jedi force in action too  lucky you!!

Even share cooking skills

Loads of hands on experiences and experiments, sometimes they blow up but not often

We will try and mind our manners, so be prepared, can’t say I didn’t warn ya

We even like Christmas songs in July!

We aren’t too keen on arguing but may listen to your point of view, only if you ask nicely

Either way, sit and relax,  it’s not like we don’t know you be peeping….


You didn’t…..you had one job….

The idea to open and email in your child’s name and send stuff to it periodically until they move out, go to college and give them the password and look back on their life, what a wonderful idea. So I think everyone should keeo a journal of somesort, like a blog or an email diary, something to look back on.

I did just that, sent myself emails about different experiences, both happy and sad, good days or bad, photos and videos….etc ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†I guess I blogged to everyone and no one read them but my mom maybe, or just me.

So I stumble across this, and I still shake my head in disbelief….Thing#1 is about seven, and Thing #2 is four and I was still married.

Here goes nothing

Each Sunday night, I find my kids fighting against me to go to bed. ¬†They started heading to bed with their dad essentially kicking me out of my own bed, but ¬†I didn’t mind too much though. ¬†At Nine o’clock they headed to bed with him.

One particular Sunday, they were all downstairs in our family room watching tv and I hear over and over, almost frantic, ¬†“MOMMY COME HERE!!!” ¬† So I rush to see whose hurt, whose crying and why exactly they are screaming.

As I hit the last step, I hear them squealing .”SIT DOWN AND WATCH OUR SHOW!!!!” ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† I then hear my own Momma in my head, and I say “Good God I thought someone was hurt! Promise you won’t do that ever again and I’ll watch!!” ¬†Of course they promised.

We had watched many shows the kids did. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† I have always encouraged them to sing, dance and play music, I still do to this day. Mine were the kids that wore Halloween costumes year round for fun. It’s ok to be goofy

Both kids are in their underwear, his SpongeBob and hers Disnay Princesses, my kids had a strong aversion to clothes.  We would walk into the house and they could strip down to their underoos in 10 seconds flat.

So, I’m your neighbor with the kids that are either looking like they are training to be nudists or they are bumping into things because no one can ever really ¬†see out of a Halloween mask. ¬†After all, who doesn’t think a Freddy Kruger mask and knife glove doesn’t look great wearing Snow White or Cinderealla’s dress and plastic high heels? And it’s always a good lesson when your son teaches his younger sister to wear her pajama¬†bottoms on her head like he does and look almost like jesters hats, why not? ¬†That’s a very ¬†valuable ¬†lesson! ¬† Yep, that’s me! I’m that mom. ¬†Best roll out the red carpet when we see the ice cream truck, Alien, Predator, even Micheal Meyers may show up with Belle, Cinderella or Snow White to buy an ice cream

This has nothing to do with this story but I had some die-hard almost cult-like Catholic neighbors. ¬†Nice enough people in very small doses, very small doses . ¬†They were not all together happy with us more than one time, and the reason this time was just an innocent thing, ¬† The ice cream man came once and the kids start bouncing and cheering like kids do when they hear “the muffin man” or “the wheels on the bus” playing getting louder and louder because the truck is getting so close. Now, I know you know what I am talking about! If you have a child. They are like little drug addicts ready to attack and get their fill of the ice cream man and can’t decide which because mommy said only one…the pressure of it all…

¬†“MOMMY ICE CREAM!! DADDY ICE CREAM”. We all scream for ice cream, right? ¬†Mine sure did. ¬†The moment either of us said “ok, yes, we will get an ice cream” ¬† There she goes, before the sentence is finished, like Secretariat jumping out of the gates in the Kentucky Derby. ¬†Thing#2 is out the front door running, her brother not too far behind, both squeaking with excitement, racing to see who got to him first and I’m fully expecting a hockey check like Bob Probert or Dino Ciccarelli ¬†used to do on The Red Wings…couldn’t decide right then if he would check her or vice versa. Of course my kids didn’t notice our neighbors crossing the street and their Brady Bunch 5 or 6 kids, I forget how many kids there were. ¬†Anyhow they said yes to their kids as well. ¬†I saw them, coming around the truck, I see my kids bouncing like monkeys and yes, of course they had no clothes on, they were in their skivvies and Thing#2 had plastic princess shoes on. ¬†A sight to be seen.

The ice cream truck lady laughed, but the sheer terror of my neighbors faces…. ¬†I can only guess ¬†what they were thinking …”Seems the heathens are at it again, more scandalous behavior, they don’t require their kids to wear clothes now. ¬†I thought they ended the children running naked after she potty trained them..” ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ….my x husband and I, we just looked at each other, what could we possibly say? ¬†Nothing. whoops-a-daisy forgot our clothes, again. Haha!! ¬† ¬†So, the heathen parents took their naked heathen kids inside with their SoongeBob ice cream and won’t be invited to the next block party they have…


So their ¬†Dad introduced ¬†them, as a he starts some cartoon on the DVR. ¬†I am sitting as it began, kids have some sort of hat on and holding something to mimic a cane as they begin their “show”. ¬†It was not exactly like the Rocketts, however, they did do line kicks and knew every word of the theme song. ¬†Do you by chance know the lyrics to the Family Guy theme? ¬†If not….

Lois: It seems today
That all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Peter: But where are those good old fashioned values

Entire Family: On which we used to rely?

Lucky there’s a Family Guy

Lucky there’s a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us

Stewie:: Laugh and cry!

Entire Family: He’s… a… Fam…ily… Guy!

Family Guy Theme with Lyrics

I felt my eyes dart and throw a big ass stink eye in my xhusband’s direction as if saying “alright asshole……” ¬†as I smile at my kids and commend them what a great job they did despite the fact I told him NOT to let them watch that, they are 4 and 7 for Pete’s sake,¬†and maybe not sing that one for nana ¬†and papa please, or the neighbors…..

Let’s just say after that one, I would find them sneaking to watch that show…

Gotta keep an eye on those heathen children, their parents too…..



I can name that tune in one note

   
well, all I got is this: 

she nailed it….she really fucking nailed it.  This is my life!  Yeehaw!! 

http://www.scarymommy.com/why-i-use-the-f-word/

Nick knack paddy whack give a dog a bone


In our home supper time and the time before it while it’s being prepared, has always been a family gathering filled with music, dancing, and an overall happy and ¬†fun time to wind down from the rat race of our days.

Just last week, as I began this process I happen to be alone when Thing#2 came home. ¬†“Hey, take the dog out real quick I’m almost done here, then we can eat when the boys get home” ¬† I hear a “Sure Momma..”

As I went back to the music and the cooking, suddenly she’s back in the kitchen with both her and the dog looking all wide eyed while she’s kinda shouting, rambling and I wasn’t exactly understanding what she is trying to tell me.

He just crunched it! ¬†Im¬†so¬†Not kidding¬†MOM!!!!! ¬†It’s not dead!! ¬†Ewwwww!!!! ¬†Wheres TROY????? ¬†MOOOMMMM ITS NOT DEAD YET AND HE CRUNCHED IT!! ¬†I was just standing there and turn around and he CRUNCHED it like Daniel’s DOG!! He’s like CUJO!! ¬†MOM ARE YOU LISTENING???

Why yes, yes I am but I have no idea what you are trying to tell me darlin. ¬†Now, it’s perfectly clear to me, the dog has just done something……attacked and “crucnched” something?. ¬†What I am not getting is exactly what. ¬†What was it? ¬†Not my neighbors dog again …(a God awful story..). ¬†Awe, shit!!

It’s RIGHT THERE!!! ¬†It’s flipping around! Where’s Thing#1?? WHERE IS¬†TROY???? ¬†It’s a baby MOM!!

A baby what?? ¬† She is forcibly pointing almost thru the back door window as if i could see “it.” ¬†Praying my dog hadn’t just contracted rabies or a cotton mouth bite, I look at him and her making sure no ones hurt. ¬†Finally she says not quite calmed down, still a scared voice but she’s making sense now.

¬†It’s a baby opossum!! ¬†It got near me and he killed it!!!! ¬†Go kill it, it’s not dead yet!! ¬†WHERES TROY?????? ¬†He’s GOTTA get it!!
I am SO not taking him back outside!!!! ¬†Mom it’s cute and he killed it, damn dog!!

She’s clearly upset, I get it, last thing she thought would happen. I look at my dog and he is just feeding off her anxiety here and wanting back outside. ¬†Oh hell no dog, that ain’ta happening!!

But wait, a second…. cute?? ¬† The dog is Cujo and the opossum is cute? ??? ¬† Next she will want a pet opossum… Uh, No. ¬† What I am picturing in my mind is not cute in any way, shape or form
I see this:

NOT this:


This is cute:

 This is NOT ::

    Hell NO Opossum

Where does Pinterest even get a photo like that? In the back woods, three miles  down in a holler??

By the time Troy and Thing #1 return home, she had calmed down and was just looking thru the window. ¬†Towards the door steps Troy and¬†Thing#1….KABOOM! ¬†Here we go again! ¬†I can’t help but giggle about it, she tickled me hearing the story again: ¬†the dog renamed Cuju,¬†how the dog recused her from imminent danger from a small, young opossum who was described as cute.

Never a dull moment….

Good Boy Cujo, good boy!

     

Momma Mia! 

It ¬†isn’t until you give birth to your first child that you realize exactly what being a mother means. ¬†The first time you see your child, your heart melts, suddenly you have a deeper understand your own mother, it is an epiphany landing smack dab in your face like a Banana Creme ¬†pie and you don’t know what hit you. ¬†In front of you this tiny child you created helps you to relate to your mom ¬†in ways you never imagined. ¬†All those reasons she always said “no you cannot go do that” and why she convinced you Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were real, ¬†why she said you don’t play with matches and why you must¬†wear a life jacket, why she gave you a curfew and why she stuck to that curfew no matter how much you begged her to extend it, from day one you completely understand what the protect instinct actually is, and putting yourself last on that totem pole becomes normalcy.
It is rather crazy how much you realize all the things your Momma has  taught you since day one.   How you have always felt safe and so loved unconditionally.


My mom is as special as they come. There is not anyone who I have known in my lifetime, thus far, has every had ill will or thought anything negative about either of my parents. They are very much respected and very well  liked  by so many in my hometown.  My mom is smart as a tack too, not just educated smart.  Working in her field of Social Work, I cannot tell you exactly how any people she has helped, many of my own friends as well.  She created a home that every kid was welcome in.  She preferred kids came over our house so she was keeping an eye on her own kids!  Clever mommy who knew just about everything about kids in town,


I can say she was tough at times and a pushover as well.

Yes, my mom has called me by my first, middle & last name, more than once, it rolled out well from her mouth and stopped us dead in our tracks ¬†just like it works for every other mother in this world. ¬†She’s wanted to throttle my neck, whatever that actually means, she’s said it. ¬†“do I have to get a switch?” ¬†Holy crao no you don’t need to get a switch!! ¬† I’ve never seen a switch in action, but my parents stories scarred the mortal hell out of me since I was 4!! ¬†No damn switches!!¬†

 

So yes, we had ‘bad kid’ moments but overall we all were good kids. ¬†When it comes right down to it all, honesty, I should thank my Momma for raising us right. My own children should as well. ¬†They should be happy as la lark that I’ve not ever said “do I need to get a switch?” Scariest sentences in this whole wide world!!



my momma is better than yours ¬† ¬†ūüėú

Diamond in the Rough 

I am no different than any other mother out there, it’s a learning process isn’t it?  You have no clue what you are actually in  for until that first baby lands on you, kinda like hitting a brick wall for me.  My older sis never had any children so I had not been around any babies ever really.

BUT the day my son came at 42 and 1/2 weeks of baking,  the timer to which I was begging to ring.  I wanted to clamor that bell for mercy, to admit defeat,  I was beyond miserable being pregnant at that point.  I only wanted to get this thing out of me that was playing hackey sack with my appendix!!  Then …it was over and I had not one clue in the world what to do!

This day, however, is the day I came to understand my parents in their entirety, for real.  It was like an epiphany, no joke. Every decision I ever bitched about, cried about,  cheered about, just about everything that happened in my own little life, well it made complete sense.  I looked at him and promised him that I will say no, he will get mad-but I won’t care.  I completely understood the phrase “no, it’s for your own good.”  That would go for yes as well, but we don’t remember all of our own “yes’ from our parents, we remember the big fat ‘No!’.  I knew he’d get mad, pout, scream, cry, shout, all of it, but I won’t care because it’s for his own good to do or not do.  He may even say he doesn’t like me sometimes, fine & dandy little man, as your momma I am bound to protect you until you are ready for this world!

Protection at all costs, ALL costs, I would give my life. When I got divorced from a man who was mentally and physically abusing and  who decided to take his inability to parent out on my daughter, I found strength that i didn’t know existed, it hadn’t existed in me-not quite like that.  I kicked into high gear and did all in my power to not ever let it happen again.  My kids went thru enough that no other person in this entire world would ever treat them badly, not on my watch, not as long as I’m breathing.

So when I started a new relationship later, well, I laid the cards on the table, upfront , they are first, FIRST not second. Is this understood? Is it crystal clear?  Now many men would be all,” yikes, single mother, asshole x & 2 kids? Naw, I’ll pass”  but a certain he didn’t high tail it out of there,  quite the opposite and now we are a melded family and Troy is the father figure with my own dad chiming in (which I love because he is an awesome guy just like my bae)  (yes bae, I did that purposely to annoy me kids) we are perfectly imperfect, dysfunction that functions really on most days anyhow and we are actually a happy hot mess.

By walking in our life, he was subject to losing aspects of his own and it’s really too bad.  I have a beautiful loving family and we would do anything for each other, no question.  And he would as well, he’s part of us now. I won’t ever quite understand what was before me in his life, but somehow it wasn’t good and that has nothing to do with me or my children.  I didn’t cause a divorce, I didn’t make a 20 year marriage miserable for 20 years and neither did my kids.  As harsh as it sounds, absolutely none of that is our fault and I refuse to take blame, go on keep trying, I won’t be the scapegoat for anyone.   I do know exactly why his kid, who is 10 years older than my oldest  and 13 more than my youngest, was less than kind to both myself and my kids.  I’m a big girl I can take what’s dealt to me and deal with it. However, the day it crossed to my children,  well, momma bear mixed with a lioness and fire ants, I didn’t  tolerate that well.  Showing disdain  towards me is one thing, but to an 8 & 11 year old is one helluva different cup of tea.  Now because I was, quite frankly, a complete bitch and wouldn’t stand for these kids to take that, well, we are all hated and somehow usually blamed for anything that  we can could possibly  be blamed for.  The hate for me is so great that their relationship just ended, no ifs ands or buts, it was so very hard on him but he got blamed himself for every part of his own divorce, and unhappiness of others, even though both parties  agreed they were miserable, a divorce decision happened way before I was a thought.  The weight was placed solely upon him. No matter if both parties were right & wrong in the marriage.  Then, enter us three, it made matters worse for him.  Then he moved south with me, the pile  of hatred  for us is now mounting & going  to topple with anything else he does or says.

And then it completely collapsed……

Working on 6 years later, it’s still a mess.  He’s blamed for craziness, addiction, complete crazy shit, I can’t list it all.   I thought, no, I truly hoped  & prayed when she had her own children, somehow she would understand that I was protecting my own children from her hatred, the uncalled for behavior towards them, and all the nastiness that my children heard about me, and the outright disdain we all saw and felt when my kids fell in love with their step father, her father.   They were little kids then and she was his kid I understand but also an adult child who knew better. Who was taught better and damn well expected better to by everyone else. I know Troy was, in fact,  protecting them as well by saying “no more!”  There is no contact, there is sadness and hurt on both sides, and irregardless of what anyone may say, I saw it happen and saw both sides at work here.  I should say it loudly, won’t make one damn bit of difference but create more hate when I say what choice did he have?  I wasn’t intoxicated that night and neither was he, someone else was.  Will that make anything different?  Help  it work out?  It’s been a long time now, I would love to say it would end up working out but I don’t think it can, and that is awful.  They both are too proud? too angry,?  Shall I knock them both off that high horse down to where I am and…and what???   I don’t know!  I now know, it’s not my job to even try, whether anyone would ever care to know I did try back then?  Oh no, I did, well we see how that worked out. It’s not worth it for me to try, brings way too much drama and lies to sift through for truth.  Why would he even want that either?   That I feel terrible about that because I see a different person, a completely different person in him.  A happy one, not that man in that 20 year marriage.  People change, yes, for better and for worse.  That’s not what I am referring to though.  By removing just one aspect of misery/unhappiness; a marriage, so you can see outside of that which makes you feel badly about yourself, meanness, resentment, whatever negative vibes it gave you, once it’s gone you can see what happy IS!  If you can let yourself recognize it, the possibilities are endless really.  You must allow yourself to feel it.  You find yourself again, the person who you really are explodes out and suddenly you aren’t willing to subject yourself to all that bad juju anymore.  Does that make us evil, heathen, self absorbed, unkind, uncaring, and just plain shitty people?  No unfortunately it doesn’t.  The day I separated from my x husband, my father shook my hand and said “Welcome back”. I hadn’t noticed I was gone, but I had been gone for a long time, I got stifled by another who only  fed into the idea  I wasn’t worth too much, not to anyone.  It simply wasn’t true, I wasn’t worth it to HIM.  Maybe that’s what it boils down to, an unhappy couple don’t find worth in each other because they are too busy picking each other apart?  Maybe, at least in part.  All I know for sure is, he is not that sad, dreary man anymore.

No one can’t help anyone see who we have become, that would be a feeling you’d get seeing our world, because our world now is not anything like the world we were in 5, 10 or even 25 years ago.  It’s just too bad really.  I wasn’t given a chance here nor were my kids. Not one damn thing I can do about that either, I cannot make anyone see what is In front of them if they won’t look and really see it for themselves.  Choices were made though, my choices have been and will mostdefinitky  continue to be in the absolute best interest of my kids.  So, let’s get the facts straight here,  standing up for & protecting my kids is exactly why I am hated.  Standing up for myself, is exactly why I am hated.  Standing up for him, is exactly why I am hated.  I guess at least I know….What was it they say about first impressions?  It’s hard to erase that, unfortunately

Post Script:  I had a few very close friends read this  and I think,  T, founder of BadAss Bitches, summed this up quite well… She picked the title too!  I absolutely love my girls! And for what it’s worth, I sure hope they find it, is it ever too late TO find it!  That’s up to you…..

 Your are the diamond in Troy’s rough.  He is the Diamond in your kids rough , and he is your diamond too.  Even “she” will have to find her diamond in her rough to truly find forgiveness and happiness.

You are a diamond and this is evident in how your kids and family come first.  some people can’t see your true intentions are not ill motivated.  It is a choice they make.  It is not your issue.

Love you girl!  You ROCK, Bad Ass Bitches