Tag Archives: life choices

‘the keeper’

Sometimes when we read someone else’s words they hit you deep down in your guts directly to your soul, these words did exactly that.  They paused me.  They made me remember my job, “the keeper

I had bracelets made for both my kids, I wear my sons, one day I’ll give it to him but for know I am the keeper of the message “ain’t no mountain high, no valley low” the song I played them so much during a very hard time in our lives, the divorce.  We are years passed that now, however, old wounds die hard and long sometimes so it is just a reminder that through it all, good and bad, they could always count on their keeper

It certainly is the little things that we know to keep this lil sailboat  sailing like a Viking battleship ​

One of our silly videos to fully embraced our motto ​



“I am the keeper.

I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments. 

I am the keeper of information. Who needs food 5 minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk. 

I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets. 

I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions. 

I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to do their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.

I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters. 

I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears. 

I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.

I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own. 

I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard. 

Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table – lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.

But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasp for breath.

Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.

Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted. 

My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you’re doing it alone. 

So to all of you who are keepers, I see you. 

I know the weight of the things you keep. 

I know the invisible work you do, which doesn’t come with a pay check or sick leave, is what makes the world go round. 

I see you.

And I salute you.”

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Credit: Lucky Orange Pants


Who is in your lifeboat? 


Do not enter without a signed invitation and  permission slip, we reserve the right to remove violators, and  we shall do just that …

A little extreme? Maybe so, but as I stated, it’s MY life not yours, the judging means nothing to me I will not let it any longer mean anything to me and my family, nope  the possibility and probability of that are and will remain 0% as long as I breathe.

My graduate statistics and psychology prof Easto would have me draw you a chart and throw numbers into some fancy shmancy  equation to prove my wacky theory I got going here and the 0% I’m throwing out there, should actually have   +\~ 5%  normal margin of error in most cases. Blah blah blah…

I could do exactly what Easto taught me, I know how, the statistics of this scenario would give you the possibilities of what can happen while the probability is the likelihood of it actually happening. All variables are  measured  and calculated.  Now, if that math mumbo jumbo doesn’t make any sense, I  sure can make it worse by adding fixed variable, factors, control groups, placebos, the list goes on and on. One way analysis of the variance, two way analysis of the variances or how about just MY way of analysis? Works for me!   I can break it way down to address the big, fat, and giant hippopotamus in the room, but I’m not going to. Perhaps in my next lifetime, but not now. I tried once already and that one got blown to smithereens, not bloody likely that  I will be  doing that ever again.   This  truly comes down to this: the things you may want factored into my life, my answer is “No thank you, I’m not doing that, these are my life choices and you don’t get to vote, no opinion, no preference, not one damn thing I don’t want factored in shall be factored in, simple enough, the answer is an emphatic NO!”   

 If all that up there mskes no sense, either take a stats class, create your own theory and prove it  or just accept that fact that you aren’t part of any calculation over here.  The bridge ain’t burnt, the bridge just sailed away and is gone at this juncture.  Not one of us will stand to be crucified by the likes of you. There is no rebuilding being done, I’m all set over here. I have no chips for that hand any longer. aces high, GAME OVER   We make decisions individually and as a family over here and that doesn’t include you, you are not family by anyone’s standards, you aren’t even a friend, not by any means.  How can I dare stand and say these things?  Gosh,  I’m just super mean, out for vengeance and a vindictive bitch you say? Is that it? All ya got? All done now??  Ok, got it, whatever you say fruity pebble, next question… What else do you need an answer to?  Shit,  I got plenty of answers for any question anyone poses. You may not like the answers too much,  so prepare yourself or don’t even ask.  Like I said, my life…I choose what’s in it and the bitch you say you see, welp honey, you created that fine hot mess for yourself so just deal with it or move the fuck along

Taking time to look back at all of it, Uh, damn straight it was well worth it. I didn’t ever really need to be convinced of that either, not then,and sure as hell not now. However, I shall not thank anyone for dragging me thru hell, that wasn’t fun at all.  What it did show me is that I was strong enough to persevere through all this bullshit and fight my way out with my family intact,  with us all stronger than ever.  We continue to do so daily because you just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes and get shit done for yourself.  I accidentally maliciously dumped your opinions of me and my beautiful family in the garbage disposal, whoopsy!   I’m no stranger to working hard for what I want, that builds character my daddy says that all the time. I’m spoiled rotten?   Why yes,  I do get exactly what I want, but so do those around me, I figure you say it’s all materialist, of course you would, you don’t know me.  Spoiled rotten I be!! Spoiled rotten with love, kindness, respect and understanding  And a few materialistic things as well but not many.  You say I am “Daddy’s little girl” trying to insult me??  Well hell yes I am a “daddy’s little girl” That is far from an insult because my Dad simply rocks and anyone who knows him agrees.  So again, apparently you don’t know anything about me or my family.     My daddy also says we get to call the shots in our own life, not one person should be allowed to do that for you.  Many will try and if you let them, the repercussions are only on you. Take the rose colored glasses off sunshine and see where everyone is actually standing pushing and demanding  you to go the wrong direction, it isn’t me nor any of mine  so take a hard look at who is standing there.

 My granny said to me once “you just got to know when to say when”, like when cream is being poured into your coffee, you must say when it’s enough. We must learn in life to say “when” this is the makings of  a good start in imvestiing in your own happiness. There is not one person that can make you happy, it’s not their job, it’s your job so stop the whining and bitching, no one is actually listening to that boohockey anymore.  It’s an inside job and  it’s all you dear.

We can depend on everyone else  til the cows come home, I wouldn’t suggest that because other people’s motives don’t usually agree with our own, even if it kinda looks the same, it’s not. People are tricky bastards like that.  Decisions  still need to be made by the individual so  start making your own and stop letting others guide you amuck with their ulterior motives and delusional ideas.  They don’t have your best interest at heart, hoping someday you realize that shit Sherlock.

Life can be more simple, if you let it

This is cool as hell to me, Thing 2 is just this thoughtful to think this is a fabulous and much needed way too many in this world:   The simplest things can bring perspective             

 A Lokai bracelet

The white bead has water from the highest point on earth, from Mt Everest.  The white bead represents life’s highest moments; it’s at those times you feel on top of the world and its most important to stay humble. 

Now, the black bead Stay Hopeful it holds mud from the Dead Sea; the lowest point on earth, signifying the difficult moments you experience throughout life.  Even through life’s lowest moments stay hopeful.

So what’s it all mean really?  A friend and I came to some small conclusions maybe here in our conversation:

  • I think it would a nice simple reminder when things are good or bad to remember to be grateful for the good or to remember the bad times don’t last forever.
  • That’s exactly it, so you need to curse at the black bead, it’s ok really, tomorrow will be better, we just need to remember the “humble” part i think.  I know I do 
  • I understand. It’s real easy to forget to be humble and to be grateful as they are usually taken for granted.
  • I think grateful comes, but it is an afterthought a lot of times, not meant to be but it happens
  • I totally agree and think that is spot on
  • I’m a positive person and I notice it more and more because I’ve been noticing very negative folks lately, We all have bad days, but i cannot dwell on stuff, I’d rather try to change it and move away from negative
  • I don’t want to sound mean or above anything or anyone, I’m not at all, but i’d rather be around positive people…

Does it make you a bad person to curse the black bead? of course not!  Everyone has had terrible experiences, just awful and negative things happen to us, to say different would be a lie.  However, the purpose, as I see it anyhow, is to actually see it for what it is, decide to change it, it should not define you.   But that’s me, what this silly thing called life has taught me along the way

So much can change, in a heartbeat, if you are willing to let it, willingly choose to be positive; so much changes in a heartbeat, even if you chose the negative.  Why not try the positive?  We all can see how negativity produces negativity.  Change of scenery could possibly change ones outlook.  Be it the actual scenery or the negative folks around you.  I knew this older lady once who found nothing but the negative in her life and rarely, if ever, anything positive.  How sad her life was, but she was damned well not going to change anything about it, it baffled me to think that misery was her life. I no longer have real reason to wonder about her, I’m quite positive she is very alone in that misery and negativity  still because rarely did she find happiness in anything that I could ever see.  Well into her 60’s maybe 70’s now, I doubt she can even figure that change would have done her so much good if she’d chosen more wisely.   

As the day passes, the hours or even the minutes, you could just find yourself in all your complexities, all the good around you shining in such a way, you then realize it’s time to be humble as the white bead signifies. Then grateful comes…as it should.  The days “on top of the world” humbled, grateful and yes, even blessed.  

Life is short, we make choices some good some bad, choose wisely so you don’t necessarily only live to curse at the black bead.