Tag Archives: trust

‘the keeper’

Sometimes when we read someone else’s words they hit you deep down in your guts directly to your soul, these words did exactly that.  They paused me.  They made me remember my job, “the keeper

I had bracelets made for both my kids, I wear my sons, one day I’ll give it to him but for know I am the keeper of the message “ain’t no mountain high, no valley low” the song I played them so much during a very hard time in our lives, the divorce.  We are years passed that now, however, old wounds die hard and long sometimes so it is just a reminder that through it all, good and bad, they could always count on their keeper

It certainly is the little things that we know to keep this lil sailboat  sailing like a Viking battleship ​

One of our silly videos to fully embraced our motto ​



“I am the keeper.

I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments. 

I am the keeper of information. Who needs food 5 minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk. 

I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets. 

I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions. 

I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to do their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.

I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters. 

I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears. 

I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.

I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own. 

I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard. 

Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table – lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.

But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasp for breath.

Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.

Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted. 

My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you’re doing it alone. 

So to all of you who are keepers, I see you. 

I know the weight of the things you keep. 

I know the invisible work you do, which doesn’t come with a pay check or sick leave, is what makes the world go round. 

I see you.

And I salute you.”

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Credit: Lucky Orange Pants


Guided tour 

I’ve become a walking zombie, not the zombie that will chase you and want to eat you but rather the one who hasn’t quite figured out that I am a zombie so I am wandering aimlessly because I have no clue what I am suppose to do.  That seems pretty screwy but I’m okay with it, which is a tad scary maybe.  Hell, I’m okay with that too.  Troy is seeing it and addressing it as he grabbs my hand and just leads me, everywhere the past six days.  In Walmart late last night we needed a tail light for the car, he led me to the department but when he let go to look for the bulb, I stopped concentrating on his hand and kinda just forgot why we were even there.  I was a big help

My daddy is in the last stages of his life and unless I’m with my mom, my mind goes somewhere else.  I’ve promised my loving daddy numerous times since Christmas that I will do exactly as he has told me to do and one of these things is to make sure she is okay.  So I am very much on the ball when I am in front of her but when I’m not I’m lost,  Troy has promised a few things also to him and his agenda includes keeping me and my kids and my mom, his job is harder.  Now I know I am two handfuls on any given day, this is proving more difficult than even I expected so I guess I’m about 59 handfuls at the moment.

Tonightc my son asked to see him, after doctors update and a debate or two that aren’t really worth mentioning,  I took him.  Another person, thought my kid would just be happy as a lark to be accompanied by her, but when it got down to it, only mommy would do.  Afterward, both of us, just so sad and so tearful, I grabbed my child’s hand, as I did when he was two, I saw the look in his eyes, he wanted to just bolt away from that room.  He towers over me but I was able to slow his pace to one my shrimpy legs could keep up with.  Put my arms around him at the elevators and promised we’d be okay, I’d make sure he and his sister were okay and Troy would make sure we were okay.  As we both gathered ourselves he says to me, “we need to make sure Nana’s okay too.”    Right after I make sure you are okay I thought.

Then as we saw Troy standing waiting for us, his passed picked ip as if he thought he could actually make it past Troy.  I saw his one arm reach around and grab my son,  pull him to him just as I reached him where his other arm grabbed me and I crumbled to tears, my knees shaking….  Troy was keeping his promise Dad, I love you and will see you tomorrow…..

Part II tomorrow perhaps…

The part where we snuck back in with the Dominios pizza delivery dude so Thing 1, Thing 2, Troy and I could spend a moment with their papa, my daddy and a respected friend

Brothers and sisters

Today, this crazy little sister/big sister celebrates you, my big sis & baby bro.  Miss Buttermilk & Leroy Brown, my Sue City Sue & Ant, auntie Sue & Unca T, my fellow stooges, the two who along with me, make up The Musketeers.  The three chimps that Hear no Evil, Speak No Evil & See no Evil and also the monkeys that jump on the bed and yes one always falls off and bumps their head….

e each deal with childhood in different ways. That brothers and sisters can take the same lump of clay that is childhood and use it to shape themselves into unique human beings is a miracle in itself. Despite individual struggles, triumphs, joys and disappointments, there  is someone is made of the same stuff and has been at your side, whether figuratively or literally, from the beginning of your life. 


To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. I will always be the middle child and always be the little sister and the big sister We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. I have the most wonderful, loving memories of us three together.  I also have so many incredibly, special moments with just my big sis, and also just with my little brother. we have laughed & cried together. We’ve taught each other so many things it’s hard to even list; we have wandered together both in our country & overseas, we’ve taught each other how to drive,  about sex, about love, about trust, loyalty  and about family.


Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate your siblings. As children, you fought over toys and car seats; as adults, you argue over perceived slights, or shared responsibilities. But April 10 is National Sibling Day, which means it’s time to put away hard feelings and remember why brothers and sisters are so special, remember why our sibling relationships are so powerful and the longest relationship we shall ever have!

Since last November, we have stood up together, a united front for each other and for my parents while our dad has been very ill.  I can say, without equivocation, that they helped me stand upon my own two feet finding a new kind of strength in each other.   At this point in my life, I need to say thank you to both of them also.  I don’t know if  they realize exactly how crucial a role  they both have played  in the lives of my children.  They both have stepped into a few different roles on my behalf.   My younger brother, as a father figure, teaching my kids how to ride bikes or how to throw a football. My sister teaching them how to do flips into the pool or how to not be afraid to crank that music up and sing even if no one can carry a tune. From big things to little things, I am fortunate to have them in our lives.  From “milking the rat,”. running from a swirlie, and oh Lordy we mustn’t forget that “Pile”….. together, we have shown my children what being a brother and a sister really means, what you do for each other.  We must always be there for each other to lean against when it’s needed.   
This photo from my sisters wedding, I see on all our faces that we were getting ornery, a favorite pastime with each other.  I remember clearly, as I am sure they do as well, our parents standing behind the photographers and my mom had look of “oh no..” on her face, “they are getting started” as my dad just started giggling .  They knew exactly what was going on.  As we all saw those looks, well we just got worse, egging each other on, we are great at that too 
This crazy sibling loves you both to the moon& back!!  Ain’t no mountain high, no valley low, , no river wide enough…..