Tag Archives: understanding

‘the keeper’

Sometimes when we read someone else’s words they hit you deep down in your guts directly to your soul, these words did exactly that.  They paused me.  They made me remember my job, “the keeper

I had bracelets made for both my kids, I wear my sons, one day I’ll give it to him but for know I am the keeper of the message “ain’t no mountain high, no valley low” the song I played them so much during a very hard time in our lives, the divorce.  We are years passed that now, however, old wounds die hard and long sometimes so it is just a reminder that through it all, good and bad, they could always count on their keeper

It certainly is the little things that we know to keep this lil sailboat  sailing like a Viking battleship ​

One of our silly videos to fully embraced our motto ​

​http://us.vivavideo.tv/v/zX6gd2sq/1/


 

“I am the keeper.


I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments. 


I am the keeper of information. Who needs food 5 minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk. 


I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets. 


I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions. 


I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to do their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.


I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters. 


I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears. 


I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.


I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own. 


I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard. 


Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table – lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.


But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasp for breath.


Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.


Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted. 


My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you’re doing it alone. 


So to all of you who are keepers, I see you. 


I know the weight of the things you keep. 


I know the invisible work you do, which doesn’t come with a pay check or sick leave, is what makes the world go round. 


I see you.


And I salute you.”


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Credit: Lucky Orange Pants

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Who is in your lifeboat? 

 

Do not enter without a signed invitation and  permission slip, we reserve the right to remove violators, and  we shall do just that …

A little extreme? Maybe so, but as I stated, it’s MY life not yours, the judging means nothing to me I will not let it any longer mean anything to me and my family, nope  the possibility and probability of that are and will remain 0% as long as I breathe.

My graduate statistics and psychology prof Easto would have me draw you a chart and throw numbers into some fancy shmancy  equation to prove my wacky theory I got going here and the 0% I’m throwing out there, should actually have   +\~ 5%  normal margin of error in most cases. Blah blah blah…

I could do exactly what Easto taught me, I know how, the statistics of this scenario would give you the possibilities of what can happen while the probability is the likelihood of it actually happening. All variables are  measured  and calculated.  Now, if that math mumbo jumbo doesn’t make any sense, I  sure can make it worse by adding fixed variable, factors, control groups, placebos, the list goes on and on. One way analysis of the variance, two way analysis of the variances or how about just MY way of analysis? Works for me!   I can break it way down to address the big, fat, and giant hippopotamus in the room, but I’m not going to. Perhaps in my next lifetime, but not now. I tried once already and that one got blown to smithereens, not bloody likely that  I will be  doing that ever again.   This  truly comes down to this: the things you may want factored into my life, my answer is “No thank you, I’m not doing that, these are my life choices and you don’t get to vote, no opinion, no preference, not one damn thing I don’t want factored in shall be factored in, simple enough, the answer is an emphatic NO!”   

 If all that up there mskes no sense, either take a stats class, create your own theory and prove it  or just accept that fact that you aren’t part of any calculation over here.  The bridge ain’t burnt, the bridge just sailed away and is gone at this juncture.  Not one of us will stand to be crucified by the likes of you. There is no rebuilding being done, I’m all set over here. I have no chips for that hand any longer. aces high, GAME OVER   We make decisions individually and as a family over here and that doesn’t include you, you are not family by anyone’s standards, you aren’t even a friend, not by any means.  How can I dare stand and say these things?  Gosh,  I’m just super mean, out for vengeance and a vindictive bitch you say? Is that it? All ya got? All done now??  Ok, got it, whatever you say fruity pebble, next question… What else do you need an answer to?  Shit,  I got plenty of answers for any question anyone poses. You may not like the answers too much,  so prepare yourself or don’t even ask.  Like I said, my life…I choose what’s in it and the bitch you say you see, welp honey, you created that fine hot mess for yourself so just deal with it or move the fuck along


Taking time to look back at all of it, Uh, damn straight it was well worth it. I didn’t ever really need to be convinced of that either, not then,and sure as hell not now. However, I shall not thank anyone for dragging me thru hell, that wasn’t fun at all.  What it did show me is that I was strong enough to persevere through all this bullshit and fight my way out with my family intact,  with us all stronger than ever.  We continue to do so daily because you just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes and get shit done for yourself.  I accidentally maliciously dumped your opinions of me and my beautiful family in the garbage disposal, whoopsy!   I’m no stranger to working hard for what I want, that builds character my daddy says that all the time. I’m spoiled rotten?   Why yes,  I do get exactly what I want, but so do those around me, I figure you say it’s all materialist, of course you would, you don’t know me.  Spoiled rotten I be!! Spoiled rotten with love, kindness, respect and understanding  And a few materialistic things as well but not many.  You say I am “Daddy’s little girl” trying to insult me??  Well hell yes I am a “daddy’s little girl” That is far from an insult because my Dad simply rocks and anyone who knows him agrees.  So again, apparently you don’t know anything about me or my family.     My daddy also says we get to call the shots in our own life, not one person should be allowed to do that for you.  Many will try and if you let them, the repercussions are only on you. Take the rose colored glasses off sunshine and see where everyone is actually standing pushing and demanding  you to go the wrong direction, it isn’t me nor any of mine  so take a hard look at who is standing there.

 My granny said to me once “you just got to know when to say when”, like when cream is being poured into your coffee, you must say when it’s enough. We must learn in life to say “when” this is the makings of  a good start in imvestiing in your own happiness. There is not one person that can make you happy, it’s not their job, it’s your job so stop the whining and bitching, no one is actually listening to that boohockey anymore.  It’s an inside job and  it’s all you dear.

We can depend on everyone else  til the cows come home, I wouldn’t suggest that because other people’s motives don’t usually agree with our own, even if it kinda looks the same, it’s not. People are tricky bastards like that.  Decisions  still need to be made by the individual so  start making your own and stop letting others guide you amuck with their ulterior motives and delusional ideas.  They don’t have your best interest at heart, hoping someday you realize that shit Sherlock.

Brothers and sisters


Today, this crazy little sister/big sister celebrates you, my big sis & baby bro.  Miss Buttermilk & Leroy Brown, my Sue City Sue & Ant, auntie Sue & Unca T, my fellow stooges, the two who along with me, make up The Musketeers.  The three chimps that Hear no Evil, Speak No Evil & See no Evil and also the monkeys that jump on the bed and yes one always falls off and bumps their head….

e each deal with childhood in different ways. That brothers and sisters can take the same lump of clay that is childhood and use it to shape themselves into unique human beings is a miracle in itself. Despite individual struggles, triumphs, joys and disappointments, there  is someone is made of the same stuff and has been at your side, whether figuratively or literally, from the beginning of your life. 




 

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. I will always be the middle child and always be the little sister and the big sister We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. I have the most wonderful, loving memories of us three together.  I also have so many incredibly, special moments with just my big sis, and also just with my little brother. we have laughed & cried together. We’ve taught each other so many things it’s hard to even list; we have wandered together both in our country & overseas, we’ve taught each other how to drive,  about sex, about love, about trust, loyalty  and about family.

 

Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate your siblings. As children, you fought over toys and car seats; as adults, you argue over perceived slights, or shared responsibilities. But April 10 is National Sibling Day, which means it’s time to put away hard feelings and remember why brothers and sisters are so special, remember why our sibling relationships are so powerful and the longest relationship we shall ever have!

Since last November, we have stood up together, a united front for each other and for my parents while our dad has been very ill.  I can say, without equivocation, that they helped me stand upon my own two feet finding a new kind of strength in each other.   At this point in my life, I need to say thank you to both of them also.  I don’t know if  they realize exactly how crucial a role  they both have played  in the lives of my children.  They both have stepped into a few different roles on my behalf.   My younger brother, as a father figure, teaching my kids how to ride bikes or how to throw a football. My sister teaching them how to do flips into the pool or how to not be afraid to crank that music up and sing even if no one can carry a tune. From big things to little things, I am fortunate to have them in our lives.  From “milking the rat,”. running from a swirlie, and oh Lordy we mustn’t forget that “Pile”….. together, we have shown my children what being a brother and a sister really means, what you do for each other.  We must always be there for each other to lean against when it’s needed.   
This photo from my sisters wedding, I see on all our faces that we were getting ornery, a favorite pastime with each other.  I remember clearly, as I am sure they do as well, our parents standing behind the photographers and my mom had look of “oh no..” on her face, “they are getting started” as my dad just started giggling .  They knew exactly what was going on.  As we all saw those looks, well we just got worse, egging each other on, we are great at that too 
This crazy sibling loves you both to the moon& back!!  Ain’t no mountain high, no valley low, , no river wide enough…..